You Can Leave Your Hat On

Channing Tatum

I'd Rather Be

Going a few rounds with Taylor Kitsch.

I See London, I See France

I don't know what the hell is going on with these underpants.

But I also don't care because THAT is what I meant when I said Matthew Morrison's Mr. Schuester was "perfectly dreamy." Although, he doesn't actually spend that much time on Glee in his skivvies, but still.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Sucky Team

So the fourth season of Friday Night Lights kicked off on DirecTV on Wednesday night in top-notch fashion.

A ton of the parents whose kids were zoned for East Dillon are pissed at Tami because they think she personally was responsible for the ridiculously unfair districting lines.

Landry and that adorable girl from his band (whose name I can not remember for the life of me) have both been districted for East Dillon. Landry hates it but he follows the rules because he's a good kid that way. Band Girl's parents would sooner die than have her go to East so they send her to West and Tami has to pull her out of class and have her escorted to East. All of this plus the EXTREME douchy-ness of JD McCoy since Coach pulled his losing ass from the final game last season prompts Julie to tell her parents that while the districting lines have left her in West territory, she'll be transferring to East to be with her remaining two high school friends - Landry and Band Girl.

Slimy Bastard McCoy spends all of his time and energy attempting to manipulate Tami into taking sides against her husband. Roping her into handling the coin toss for the Panther's first game where they pretty much order her to call heads and elect to start on defense so instead she calls tails and elects to start with offense effectively giving McCoy and his puppet coach the finger. Then she leaves her school's game and heads across town to support her husband.

Coach is trying to get a handle on the East Dillon Lions but he's stuck with mostly mouthy, disrespectful, juvenile delinquents. It isn't going all that well as most of the guys want to be quarterback and none of them want to shut up and listen to coach. So the best things he has going for him on this new team are Landry and new running back Vince who has joined the team in a last ditch effort to keep him out of Juvie. After a fight between Landry and a particularly heinous little dickhead on the team, Coach loses his shit and sends anyone who doesn't want to be serious, shut up and do everything coach says with a "yes, sir" attitude, then they should get the hell out of his house. And get the hell out they do. He's left with barely enough kids to play.

The first game goes just about as well as expected with the Lions losing 45 - nothing at the half and nearly every boy injured. Vince has a very bad high ankle sprain, one boy needs stitches, Landry might have lost a tooth and is bleeding pretty profusely from his mouth...they're all a mess but every one of them claims they're fine to keep playing. But Coach is not about to hurt his kids so he forfeits the game, which will cause some problems for him later.

In other news, Matt's life is kind of sad since electing to skip art school in Chicago and stay home to take care of Grandma (whose dementia has gotten really bad). He's delivering pizza and putting up with way too much shit from Douchbag McCoy. He's got Julie and Landry but other than that, life isn't so good for our favorite QB1.

And Riggins has dropped out of San Antonio State and come back home to discover that Billy is pissed at him for not going to college and a very pregnant Mindy is pissed at him for trying to move back into the house when they're making his room the nursery. So he has sex with Alicia Witt who has managed to live in Dillon, Texas and not know who Tim Riggins is which I find more than a little suspect. But her daughter knows and spends the whole morning giving him shit and flirting with him while he attempts to do the walk of shame on out of there.

I missed these people and this town.

Happy Birthday

Matthew Morrison, Glee's impossibly dumb but perfectly dreamy Spanish teacher/glee club instructor Will Schuester, is 31 today.

Harry Hamlin turns 58 today. Though I never understood why people thought he was hot, he totally won my heart as the positively deplorable Aaron Echolls on Veronica Mars.

East vs. West

After another long hiatus between too-short seasons, Friday Night Lights returns tonight on DirecTV. I'm not thrilled about the red uniforms of the East Dillon Lions but I'm willing to get used to it since I know that Coach, Julie and Landry will all be Lions now.

Two hours, fifteen minutes - CAN'T WAIT!

I'd Like To Hit Nigel Over The Head With His Paula Abdul Chair

As if changing the opening and the stage weren't bad enough, now they've gone and taken away the viewers' vote which means they're not aiming to find America's Favorite Dancer - they're looking for The Judges' Favorite Dancer.

It seems to me that in an attempt to court new viewers for this fall season of So You Think You Can Dance, they're succeeding only in alienating the loyal viewers from summer seasons past.

Anyway, the Top 20 paired up and performed last night but instead of us getting to vote for our favorites on Tuesday and then having the bottom three boys and the bottom three girls dance solos before the judges send one of each home on Wednesday? They all danced and then the judges had the two boys they liked least and the two girls they liked least dance solos before quickly sending one of each home all on the same night with no input from the viewing audience what-so-ever.

It really doesn't matter what they danced or how they did because just as soon as the last couple in our Top 20 finished dancing, we were already down to 18.

I had a favorite routine, and a least favorite routine. There were dancers I liked and those I didn't. I had criticisms and praises of various dancers and choreographers and song choices (seriously, I love Glee more than words but their version of "Push It" was a TERRIBLE accompaniment to a Cha Cha!). But I guess I don't need to talk about any of that. What I do need to talk about is how much it pisses me off that they clearly knew they were going to send Substitute Top 20er Brandon home before he ever set foot on that stage. Or how mad I am that they put Russell in the bottom 2 boys despite the fact that he's a fan favorite and did damn well last night with a substitute partner. Better than Nathan by a country mile in my opinion!

I could bitch about Nigel's and Mary's continued effusive praise of shit choreography in general and Disco routines in particular when Adam and I both know that disco is the weak fucking link on this show.

I would like to take Nigel to task for how the new stage design removes the intimacy of having the audience 2/3 surrounding the stage helping us feel that much more connected to the dancers. I'd also like to mention to him that his Paula Abdul obsession is about the most irritating shit I've ever seen on this show and I'm including Mary's love affair with the phrase "yes I am"/"yes it is"/"yes I do"/"yes you were" last season.

In the end I guess I'll just briefly mention that Bianca and Victor were shining stars for me last night, dancing a contemporary piece choreographed by Travis Wall (pictured above); that I still don't like Phillip or Legacy or Ashliegh; that I think Ellenore needs to be careful about declaring routines "the best ever on SYTYCD"; and say good bye and good luck to Brandon and Ariana.

Sittin' Pretty

Ryan Reynolds
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Zachary Levi
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Mark Ruffalo
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Matt Damon

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Scott Speedman
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Mark Salling (my new TV boyfriend)
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Chris Pine
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Bryan Greenberg (JAKE!)

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Ed Westwick

Rub A Dub Dub

Hot gay man in a tub.

(Neil Patrick Harris)

Monday Night TV, Spread Out In A Nutshell

Gossip Girl was boring. You know, you'd think that when they open a speakeasy and they dress up, and they partner swap and they fight and the cops are called, that it would be good, soapy fun. But instead this episode was mostly boring and I'm not even sure why.

Rufus's love of Halloween drove him to carve Kiss-O-Lanterns (that's the band Kiss, not a bunch of puckered pumpkins) and then dress as Joey Ramone which...that wig was disconcerting.

Dan and Duff took there relationship to the next level (which was actually a little creepy to watch) after a whole lot of confusion about whether or not the love scenes in her Twilight-esque movie with her ex-boyfriend were equal to a sex tape. The upshot of that stupid story (seriously, Dan has to be the most judgemental ass in all the world) is that Nate had a couple of pretty hilarious lines during some early scenes with Dan wherein he pointed out that Dan has probably never seen what an orgasm looks like (poor, inept Dan) and also made me question his manhood with how much he knows (and likes) these Twilight-ish movies.

Chuck remained mad at Blair who tried to fix his lack of trust in her by going behind his back to Uncle Jack who fucked them over and then Chuck forgave her for reasons I still can not wrap my head around and Blair kind of acted like a douche to Serena who needed Chuck's club opening to be a success so that her hideous boss would stop torturing her. Serena eventually got the bitch off her back by making out with Duff's ex-boyfriend which could improve his career prospects (I have no idea how, so don't ask) and told Blair to take her crap-ass idea of friendship and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

Meanwhile, Jenny shit all over her relationship with Eric who is the only friend she actually has and he told her to fuck right the hell off because it's one thing for her to have her minions dump yogurt on his head, but it is quite another for her to order those same minions to egg his (not cute enough for him) boyfriend. That final kiss-off scene could only have been better if he'd slapped her annoying face right into the end credits but instead he just shut the door in her face and she promptly retreated to her room where she tossed all of her Brooklyn clothes and her sewing machine out in favor of the expensive designer duds her new step-mom was footing the bill for. I hope that once the trash man collects all of it, Lily gets wind of what a total bitch Little J is and takes all the fancy clothes back leaving her with NOTHING!

So You Think You Can Dance was kind of boring last night. Everyone danced in groups and performed in their own styles. The hip hop number was pretty fun and I enjoyed Mandy Moore's contemporary piece, not least because it's the last time I'll get to see Billy Bell this season as he's had to leave the competition due to illness. But the three person tango (or whatever the hell it was) was kind of creepy and I am beyond agro with that bitchy wife and her CONSTANT assertions that her husband belongs to her. We all know he's your husband and none of us are trying to have sex with him, we're just watching him dance you miserable shrew! The tapping was boring and makes me pretty sure those folks could be leaving sooner than later. Sonya's jazz routine was also boring and disjointed and anything but sexy as she continually insisted it was supposed to be. Russell remains my lone favorite but hopefully tonight's episode will help me find some other people to vote for.

On a side-note, they re-did the stage to look more like the one at the Kodak Theater so it's 2/3 enclosed by an enormous, neon cocoon; the stage area is much too large for small groups, pairs or solos; the camera work and direction remain as bad as ever and now some of the angles are so bad that you can't even see the dancers for the thousand yards of stage...I am very unhappy with this remodel. And Nigel's obsession with getting Paula Abdul to be a guest judge on this show is dumb verging on creepy.

Thank God for One Tree Hill or last night would have been too much disappointment. In a fairly good episode that totally made me cry, Dan was the hero of the day when he tricked Lying Hobag into admitting that she never had sex with Nathan and in fact just saw this as an opportunity to make a little easy cash off a rich man (while simultaneously ruining his career, marriage, family and life - yeah, Dan can take his "sometimes bad things happen to good people" shtick and peddle it to a far more gullible person than I) thereby saving the day for the son who hates him. He also strongly implied that he knows Rachel doesn't love him and that he doesn't believe half of this redemption crap he's getting rich off of. So rest assured, Dan is still Dan and we can all still feel pretty good about hating him.

It turns out that Quinn's husband David did change in some ways that effectively made him a completely different person than who she fell in love with and she attempted to tell him at many stops along the road to douchiness that she wasn't terribly thrilled with these changes but mostly she dealt with the situation through passive aggressive pouting. So while I can see why she might not want to be married to David any more, I think she is partially at fault for not trying to work things out and instead just pouting and then bailing.

Through a series of flashback memories we follow the relationship of Clay and Sarah (who I will refer to from here on out as Jody Sawyer because of my deep, deep love of Center Stage) as they met on a bridge, she proposed to him (more on that in a second), she helped him be a better agent, they danced to Willie Nelson and then she died of grape Koolaid poisoning. Ok, I actually don't know what she died from but they're dancing all romantic like in their lovely open loft apartment when she declares she would love some grape Koolaid, she pours herself a glass, takes one sip, then makes a stricken face and collapses dead on the floor. No more Jody Sawyer.

Anyway, then her ghost insists that he stop holding on to her as if falling in love again will somehow negate the love they shared and start living. She lovingly pushes him toward Quinn and just when you think he'll take her advice because it's pretty clear that he and Quinn have a nice connection based on genuine affection and friendship, he practically orders Quinn to go back to her husband. What? I know!

In the most disjointed and tacked-on story of all time, Brooke bitched at Julian for still working with Slutty Actor Girl even though Brooke fired her despite the fact that Julian obviously wants to do SOMETHING other than sit around the house while Brooke works. He's a grown man with a passion for his chosen profession, for the love of loaves and fishes! Yes, Slutty Actor Girl got naked in front of him, but he didn't do anything so what the hell difference does it make? The Brooke I know and actually like has enough self confidence to not act like a jealous, petulant child and trust her boyfriend. Anyway, then she told him that she tried to propose to him but stopped when he told her he was going to Australia or New Zealand or wherever and then got butt hurt when he was railing at his controlling ass of a dad and said that they weren't getting married. So then he told her that he would like to marry her some day and she stayed sullen and mopey. This shit better end soon or I'm going to start hoping Julian does hook up with someone who isn't so annoying!

Now, I'd like to point out that this episode included two stories where women proposed to men and mention how much I support that. I am not a terribly old-fashioned person and thus I don't think that it's the man's duty to pop the question and I don't much care about elaborate proposals where the "romance" is over-the-top for no other reason than to impress people with the story later. I love it when women propose to men. Nothing could be more awesome, in my opinion, than a person of either gender, declaring a desire to spend the rest of their life with their partner. I hope that a whole generation of girls is learning from examples like these that they don't have to sit around and wait to be asked but can, in fact, take the lead on this important decision and be the one to do the asking. If I ever find a man I'd like to marry (you know, other than Josh Jackson), I hope I beat him to the question popping punch!

So Freakin' Cute

Matthew Settle and Kelly Rutherford (and their respective real-life daughters) giving a little demonstration of the awesomeness they tap into when they're playing a married couple with 1/2 a city's worth of children between them on TV every week.

Good Morning

(Mark Ruffalo)

I'd Rather Be...

Napping with Zach Gilford and his adorable dog.

Meet Your Top 20

So You Think You Can Dance finally, finally named their top 20 last night and then promptly threw a wrench into my perfectly choreographed television schedule when they added an extraneous (and already taped) performance show for next Monday when all the dancers will be in groups to perform numbers in their own styles with absolutely nothing on the line before the regular pair-up performance show that actually counts for something on Tuesday and the results show on Wednesday.

First they drag auditions out for almost two months, then Mia leaves the show (under mysterious circumstances that I am beginning to think might be health related?), then they put Cry-Baby Legacy and that Ballroom Wife with the addiction to bad lipstick through, then they program extra performances on nights my TV viewing schedule is already chock full? Nigel is on very thin ice with me right now.

Anyway, here are the dancers. This time next week we'll already have bid farewell to two of them. It's probably a little early to call it, but I hope it's Cry-Baby Legacy and Ballroom Wife!

Big Mystery

A caller to NPR's Talk Of The Nation just said, "I'm a member of a global twelve-step program that I'd rather not name out of respect for the anonymity that is the foundation of it's principles."

What do slushies, a zoot suit, The Thong Song, and two hot Jews have in common?

They're all part of the most uneven and overall disappointing episode of Glee so far.


Last night's episode was mostly a waste of time in that nothing that happened seems to have any effect on the larger stories. To paraphrase a quote from future episode director Joss Whedon (via Willow Rosenberg): I think this eps mostly filler.


Sue got a boyfriend, and they broke up. It seems that the anchor on the evening news has a little thing for Sue and after just one date she's so smitten with him, she's a whole new Sue. Suddenly she's getting swing dance lessons from and laughing with Will and treating Quinn with compassion. That is until she walks in on Anchor Man writhing on the news desk with Anchor Woman and then she's demanding the set list for Sectionals from Will lest she buy him a kitten to cuddle and love and then PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE, and giving Q her pink slip from the Cheerios for being pregnant and therefore "a disgrace."


There was a whole thing with Ken and Emma needing Will to mash-up each of their first-dance song choices - "I Could Have Danced All Night" from My Fair Lady for her, "The Thong Song" for him - and give them dancing lessons that only leads to more of the uncomfortable flirting between Emma and Will that makes me cringe every time poor Ken is on screen. I found both Will and Emma a lot less despicable when she wasn't dating Ken to keep from being lonely and when he was just oblivious to her flirting as opposed to overtly flirting back every chance he gets. And they really never learn. After Ken confronted Will about the flirting, Will said he doesn't "knowingly encourage" it but that he doesn't discourage it either and that won't happen again. Then this:

Anyway, Ken is rightfully pissed when he finds Will and his betrothed giggling and gazing into each other's eyes while laying on the floor during a failed dance lesson, so he lays down the law with his football players by scheduling a mandatory practice at the same time as the standing glee rehearsal forcing Finn, Puck, Kurt (he's the kicker remember?), Matt and Mike to choose between football and glee.

The pressure on the boys (except Kurt because...obviously he's not going to choose football over glee) is coming from more than just Coach Tanaka though. The hockey jocks and their own team-mates are giving them a rash of shit - and faces full of slushies - over their participation in glee club and it's perceived gayness and dorkiness. So the choice isn't just between football and glee, it's between popularity and ostracization.

Meanwhile Puck's mom is pretty distraught that he never dates any Jewish girls and he'd like to make mom happy so it occurs to him that Rachel is Jewish and hot and apparently desperate so he makes a play for her. First with a slushie delivered in a glass with a straw instead of splashed directly in her face for a change. Then by just asking her to make out which she goes along with because Puck is ridiculously hot.

But Rachel is just imagining that Puck is Finn and she starts to feel a little guilty about that so she tells Puck that she can't have a relationship with him, despite his correct assertion that they're ta couple of hot Jews, unless he mans up and sings lead once in a while. So Puck wins her over with an awesome rendition of Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline".

The relationship is going pretty well until a slushie to Puck's pretty face leads to a fairly hot scene in the bathroom where she's cleaning him up and he first apologizes for all the times he slushied her (and honest to God, it was a really sincere apology, not an "I'll say anything to see you naked" apology), and then confesses that the humiliation is too much for him and that he'll need to choose football over glee...and therefore over her.

But when the time comes, Kurt (duh!), Matt, Mike and Puck all choose glee over football, making Finn the only one too spineless to follow his heart. That's when Kurt has to step in and fix Finn. I know that Will totally thought it was his little speech that did it but I think it was Kurt. See, Finn is supposed to slushie Kurt for having bailed on the team - and done so with an announcement in the shower no less - but he doesn't want to because their friends and also he knows how particular Kurt is about the products he uses on his face. But Kurt takes one for the team and slushies himself before telling Finn to think about whether or not any of his football friends would do that for him.

Kurt is awesome.

With absolutely no warning, Rachel dumps Puck in a heartbreaking scene where he pretends he doesn't care and they confess to each other that their hearts belong to Finn and Quinn and they say some kind of hurtful, kind of true, but also totally not things to each other and then he lies that they were never friends and walks away.

In the end, Finn tells Coach Tanaka that he's got to be a man and he can't choose between football and glee and Ken knows he's right so he cancels Thursday practice. Finn comes back to glee with apology slushies for everyone and they all indoctrinate Mr. Schue into the ranks of glee dork when they nail him in the face with the dozen slushies he so richly deserves.

You see, we end up in the same place we started so in addition to the editing being all over the place and some shit happening for no apparent reason at all, this episode was just a waste of time. I mean, I still love the show and there were certainly parts of the episode I liked on their own, but what would have been the harm in stretching some of these stories out over a few episodes?

I'd Rather Be...

Thinking about math with Joshua Jackson.

There Are No Words

As if his lovely voice and gorgeous face weren't good enough reasons to love Mark Salling, his bold and hilarious fashion choices put me right over the top!

Twenty-Three

There are all these women in Hollywood who are quite a lot older than me, who look so ridiculously good that I feel particularly gray-haired, poorly-complected, fat and old looking for my comparatively youthful 33 years. Which is why it's kind of nice that Lindsay Lohan has taken it upon herself to walk around resembling 50 miles of HARD road so that I can feel particularly beautiful in comparison to this train wreck who's 10 years my junior.

Thanks, Linds!

Happy Birthday

Will Estes is 31 today. He once played the hottest priest I've ever seen on that really short-lived Fox show Reunion. Just thought I'd mention it.

Take Off Your Shirt, I'll Get My Tape Measure

It was Male Nudity Night on One Tree Hill yesterday, and I am not complaining in the least. Nathan, Julian and Chase were all in various states of undress during the course of the evening while Clay kept his clothes on to better convey his deep sadness.

Oh, and in news of the plot and story variety: Millie is going off the rails a bit because she likes how modeling makes her feel like total strangers think she's special, she just doesn't especially care for how it makes her feel like her looks are the only thing about her that matter and how it means she doesn't get to do the job she actually likes. I find this Millie story interesting and I like Mil a lot but...this backslide into spinelessness and self-doubt of hers is troubling. She was so totally kick-ass at the start of the season and now she's popping diet pills and crying in the mirror and not standing up for herself with Brooke, of all fucking people!

Nathan has lost his endorsements because no one wants to buy men's body spray or tennis shoes from men who allegedly cheat on their wives. When Mouth's station wants to run with the story (because their news director so totally wants to be Harvey Levin when he hatches), Mouth goes to see Nate. Nate tells him to stop sacrificing his career and just report the damn story like everyone else. It's awesome of Mouth to be such a great friend but Nathan doesn't want him to ruin his career over Nate's disaster of a personal life. So Mouth crawls back to the boss and the boss puts him back on air but then Mouth spends his share of the news cast admonishing the station for stooping to the level of reporting gossip as fact and basically shooting his career right between the eyes. He'll be sorting tape in the basement until he's old and dead.

Brooke wants to make men's clothes which is fine and dandy but with a label name like Clothes Over Bros, I think she's going to need to market strictly to the gays. Anyway, she wants Julian to be her model but he's busy working with Alex on her script which Brooke is a little pouty about because deep down she knows that it's good for him to do work in his chosen field of movie making rather than stand around in her back room with his clothes off looking hot. I mean, I think we can all agree that he'd get by fine in life just standing around with his clothes off looking hot, but it's nice that he's got a brain and talent too. Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, so instead of Julian, Brooke gets Chase to be her model. Then there are all these tiffs between Brooke and Julian about the hobagginess of Alex and of High School Brooke and the nudity of people they each work with and in the end Brooke fires Alex (and her "ass the size of a kumquat") and let's Julian know he can sleep on the couch until further notice as punishment for not mentioning to her that Alex stripped naked in front of him.

Quinn pouts some more...this time because she's afraid of the ocean. Man this chick is such a fucking downer!

Oh, she also has some good friendship moments with Clay who is coming a bit unglued (again...dun!) now that Nathan's troubles are getting bigger and bigger and he's not so sure he can handle them. This causes him to see the ghost (yeah, I'm calling it) of his former wife (uh huh, I'm making all the predictions right up front on this one) who he has numerous conversations with. Dead Wife's Ghost, by the way, is played by Amanda Schull who you may remember as Jodi Sawyer from the AWESOME Center Stage:

...so clearly the kids they would have had if she hadn't died would have been ridiculously good looking.

Anyway, Clay appreciates having Quinn as a friend (in addition to the massive crush he can't admit to himself that he has on her), but then remembers how Nathan really doesn't want the two of them hangin' out so he tells her that and then she and Nathan have a fight about how he can't tell her who to be friends with and he doesn't think she should be whoring around and she thinks he's one to talk and he thinks that if she likes living under his roof, she can live by his rules or she can damn well move back in with her husband and I think those two totally fight like brother and sister which is nice. Especially when they make up and she tells him she doesn't think he cheated on Haley and he tells her she is welcome to live with them for ever and ever if she wants. He doesn't however tell her that he's comfortable with her nailing Clay but since it's really none of his business what - or who - she does with her lady parts, I think it's good they didn't go there.

Obviously the most interesting story this season is the ongoing Nathan, Haley, Lying Slutball drama. So Haley is starting to believe that Nathan fathered this whore's kid because her phone number on his old cell bill ONCE. He swears to heaven and hell and all the places in between that he did not have sexual relations with that woman and Quinn, Clay and I totally believe him. Nathan and Haley have it out in the kitchen over her insistence that they pay her off now and Nate's refusal to do so on the grounds that he will not give up until he proves beyond a doubt that that tramp is the lying slutball that we all know her to be. He was so hot in his tight brown t-shirt during that scene, I fainted a little.

In the meantime, Dan and Rachel are fixin' to put Lying Slutball on TV to supposedly force Nate to take responsibility but really it's to a) get back at him for not forgiving his murderous father and b) make some scratch off of the situation. Don't you wish they were your parents?

Bad Idea Jeans

Everyone on Gossip Girl was wearing them last night.

Nate tried to scheme, which he should know not to do without Blair and/or Chuck supervision because he's really just here for his looks. His plan was to convince his FRIEND Serena to attempt to win Carter back from the Buckley's in a game of poker where the stakes were a bunch of Nate's grandpa's money and a picture of Trip van der Bilt with a big ol' bong at his bachelor party against a bunch of the Buckley money, the erasure of Carter's debt to their family (so...MORE of the Buckley money) and the promise that the Buckley's leave Carter alone forever.

Nate does not let Serena in on the fact that he's making sure she loses so that the Buckley's release the damning photo that is actually a fake so that the van der Bilts can "expose" them as the kind of ass holes who fake damning photos of their political rivals. Even though it's actually the van der Bilt's who are that kind of ass hole. Plus, turns out Nate is the kind of ass hole who isn't even sorry when his friend calls him out for using her.

In the end Serena tells PJ Buckley what Nate did so PJ doesn't release the photo and Trip van der Bilt might have to get elected on just the name recognition and his grandfather's money alone. PJ was grateful for the face-save so he gave Carter back to Serena but then Carter got pissed because being the jackpot in a game of poker is a pretty emasculating experience so he gave himself back to the Buckley's to work off his debt to them like a man who is actually contrite about the horrible things that he's done.

But that's just the tip of the bad idea iceberg!

You know how Vanessa has a habit of saying inappropriately judgemental things about wealthy people right to their faces? And how she has that crippling sense of superiority toward the rich, and people who know the rich, and people who once walked down Park Ave.? Well compared to her mother, she's practically Edith Wharton!

So there's this whole thing with the freshman toast at a Parents' Dinner at NYU and Blair wants to give it but Vanessa gets it until Hilary Duff decides to go and then the Dean gives it to her so Blair convinces V to scheme and lie to get it back. So V pits Duff and Dan against each other in this "she doesn't like your parents" / "his parents hate actors" story that creates some pretty hilariously disastrous conversations between Duff, Dan, Rufus and Lily. Then Blair steps up her game and tricks Chuck into kissing the gay Dean (who needed the kiss as part of a scavenger hunt so...he's obviously the worst college administrator ever) so that he'll let her give the toast. The man on man kiss was talked about and talked about just like they did years ago when Kerr Smith's Jack was finally going to kiss a boy on Dawson's Creek. And even worse than on DC, this kiss was about as romantic as when I kiss my brother - a blink-and-you'll-miss-it, dry as a bone peck on the lips. Yawn. But, Chuck did fess up that he's kissed guys before and while I was not at all surprised, it did make me hope for some flashbacks to the make-out sessions I just KNOW he and Nate have shared over the years. It's also worth noting that Chuck was looking H-O-T last night.

Anyway, that's when V loses her shit, snags a live mic and gets Blair to bust herself and cop to all of her shenanigans - including her Chuck manipulation - and when everyone hears she's obviously humiliated but worse than that, Chuck gives her the coldest of shoulders and it breaks her tiny little stone heart.

Meanwhile, Vanessa's lies come out too and the van der Bassphries are able to mend their rift with Duff and probably V because they're a lot more forgiving than they should be most of the time but for now Vanessa is left to cry in the coffee shop over the extreme suckitude of her mom until her new frenemy Blair comes in needing to commiserate over coffee and croissant.

I'd Rather Be...

Strolling on the beach with Timothy Olyphant.

Slob Up

There are really no words that accurately convey my sense of disappointment over whatever the hell Channing Tatum has dressed himself in before going out in public. No words at all!

I'm not even tagging this post to the "Boys" section because I don't want his "outfit" befouling that lovely label grouping. The boys - hell, we ALL - deserve better than this.

Dear Universe,

Please make this couple happen in real life.

(Lea Michele and Cory Montieth)

Thank you in advance.

Love,

Melissa

P.S. I'd like to put that sweater on my Christmas list if you could let me know where she got it? Thanks!

Welcome Home Heather

Call A Tailor

Because the length needs to be taken up a few inches but I'm pretty sure the top needs to be let out. Unless she's trying to strangle her breasts to death.

I mean, it's Halle Berry so of course she still looks beautiful but, it could just be so much better if it weren't so tight and so long.

More Amazing Than I Ever Imagined!

Here I was all atwitter over the thought of Rachel and Puck becoming friends and instead they're going to become MORE than friends? I'm so giddy I'm feeling light headed!

Friday Night Thoughts

EW's Michael Ausiello is in Austin visiting the set of Friday Night Lights right now. He's been tweeting pictures from the set and so far I can tell you the following things:

1) I'm really going to miss the blue Panther uniforms.

2) Even though Kyle Chandler looks just as good in red.

3) I am so damn happy that my beloved Landry made the move with Coach Taylor.

4) I'm a little worried because after he watched the first episode of the new season, Ausiello teased that someone we wouldn't expect turned into a real douche over the summer and...Landry is the one I'd expect the least so now he's who I suspect the most. You know? Gulp!

I'm sure that as he posts more pictures, I'll have more thoughts that I will need to share. Stay tuned!

The Antichrist Is Adorable

Supernatural went there last night, finding the Antichrist in Alliance, Nebraska. Poor kid didn't know what he was so he was just sittin' around believing that itching powder would make you itch your brains out, joy buzzers would electrocute you, masturbating will give you a hairy palm, and if you don't stop, your face will freeze that way and his crazy Antichrist powers made all that shit happen to the people who live near him. And Dean.

There was a little war for his soul between the demons and the Winchesters...and Castiel who actually just wanted the moppet dead but didn't realize that a frightened Antichrist can turn an angel into a tiny little action figure quick as a blink. In the end the boy sent the demon packing and then ran away to somewhere with better surfing prospects than Nebraska so that he wouldn't hurt his parents. I'm sure we haven't seen the last of him, I hope when he comes back he's firmly on the side of good because I do not what him to turn Sam or Dean into teensy bits of plastic!

Happy Birthday

Angela Lansbury is celebrating 84 years of sheer awesomeness today.

Barry Corbin turns 69 today. He's played several beloved characters over the years, but my personal favorites are Maurice Minnifield on Northern Exposure and Coach Whitey Durham on One Tree Hill. To be honest, I would have guessed he was older than 69...sorry Barry, you're just so good at playing crabby old farts!

And Kellie Martin, who just made me sob my eyes out when her Lucy Knight died on ER, is 34 today.