October 20, 2009

Take Off Your Shirt, I'll Get My Tape Measure

It was Male Nudity Night on One Tree Hill yesterday, and I am not complaining in the least. Nathan, Julian and Chase were all in various states of undress during the course of the evening while Clay kept his clothes on to better convey his deep sadness.

Oh, and in news of the plot and story variety: Millie is going off the rails a bit because she likes how modeling makes her feel like total strangers think she's special, she just doesn't especially care for how it makes her feel like her looks are the only thing about her that matter and how it means she doesn't get to do the job she actually likes. I find this Millie story interesting and I like Mil a lot but...this backslide into spinelessness and self-doubt of hers is troubling. She was so totally kick-ass at the start of the season and now she's popping diet pills and crying in the mirror and not standing up for herself with Brooke, of all fucking people!

Nathan has lost his endorsements because no one wants to buy men's body spray or tennis shoes from men who allegedly cheat on their wives. When Mouth's station wants to run with the story (because their news director so totally wants to be Harvey Levin when he hatches), Mouth goes to see Nate. Nate tells him to stop sacrificing his career and just report the damn story like everyone else. It's awesome of Mouth to be such a great friend but Nathan doesn't want him to ruin his career over Nate's disaster of a personal life. So Mouth crawls back to the boss and the boss puts him back on air but then Mouth spends his share of the news cast admonishing the station for stooping to the level of reporting gossip as fact and basically shooting his career right between the eyes. He'll be sorting tape in the basement until he's old and dead.

Brooke wants to make men's clothes which is fine and dandy but with a label name like Clothes Over Bros, I think she's going to need to market strictly to the gays. Anyway, she wants Julian to be her model but he's busy working with Alex on her script which Brooke is a little pouty about because deep down she knows that it's good for him to do work in his chosen field of movie making rather than stand around in her back room with his clothes off looking hot. I mean, I think we can all agree that he'd get by fine in life just standing around with his clothes off looking hot, but it's nice that he's got a brain and talent too. Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, so instead of Julian, Brooke gets Chase to be her model. Then there are all these tiffs between Brooke and Julian about the hobagginess of Alex and of High School Brooke and the nudity of people they each work with and in the end Brooke fires Alex (and her "ass the size of a kumquat") and let's Julian know he can sleep on the couch until further notice as punishment for not mentioning to her that Alex stripped naked in front of him.

Quinn pouts some more...this time because she's afraid of the ocean. Man this chick is such a fucking downer!

Oh, she also has some good friendship moments with Clay who is coming a bit unglued (again...dun!) now that Nathan's troubles are getting bigger and bigger and he's not so sure he can handle them. This causes him to see the ghost (yeah, I'm calling it) of his former wife (uh huh, I'm making all the predictions right up front on this one) who he has numerous conversations with. Dead Wife's Ghost, by the way, is played by Amanda Schull who you may remember as Jodi Sawyer from the AWESOME Center Stage:

...so clearly the kids they would have had if she hadn't died would have been ridiculously good looking.

Anyway, Clay appreciates having Quinn as a friend (in addition to the massive crush he can't admit to himself that he has on her), but then remembers how Nathan really doesn't want the two of them hangin' out so he tells her that and then she and Nathan have a fight about how he can't tell her who to be friends with and he doesn't think she should be whoring around and she thinks he's one to talk and he thinks that if she likes living under his roof, she can live by his rules or she can damn well move back in with her husband and I think those two totally fight like brother and sister which is nice. Especially when they make up and she tells him she doesn't think he cheated on Haley and he tells her she is welcome to live with them for ever and ever if she wants. He doesn't however tell her that he's comfortable with her nailing Clay but since it's really none of his business what - or who - she does with her lady parts, I think it's good they didn't go there.

Obviously the most interesting story this season is the ongoing Nathan, Haley, Lying Slutball drama. So Haley is starting to believe that Nathan fathered this whore's kid because her phone number on his old cell bill ONCE. He swears to heaven and hell and all the places in between that he did not have sexual relations with that woman and Quinn, Clay and I totally believe him. Nathan and Haley have it out in the kitchen over her insistence that they pay her off now and Nate's refusal to do so on the grounds that he will not give up until he proves beyond a doubt that that tramp is the lying slutball that we all know her to be. He was so hot in his tight brown t-shirt during that scene, I fainted a little.

In the meantime, Dan and Rachel are fixin' to put Lying Slutball on TV to supposedly force Nate to take responsibility but really it's to a) get back at him for not forgiving his murderous father and b) make some scratch off of the situation. Don't you wish they were your parents?

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