October 27, 2009

Monday Night TV, Spread Out In A Nutshell

Gossip Girl was boring. You know, you'd think that when they open a speakeasy and they dress up, and they partner swap and they fight and the cops are called, that it would be good, soapy fun. But instead this episode was mostly boring and I'm not even sure why.

Rufus's love of Halloween drove him to carve Kiss-O-Lanterns (that's the band Kiss, not a bunch of puckered pumpkins) and then dress as Joey Ramone which...that wig was disconcerting.

Dan and Duff took there relationship to the next level (which was actually a little creepy to watch) after a whole lot of confusion about whether or not the love scenes in her Twilight-esque movie with her ex-boyfriend were equal to a sex tape. The upshot of that stupid story (seriously, Dan has to be the most judgemental ass in all the world) is that Nate had a couple of pretty hilarious lines during some early scenes with Dan wherein he pointed out that Dan has probably never seen what an orgasm looks like (poor, inept Dan) and also made me question his manhood with how much he knows (and likes) these Twilight-ish movies.

Chuck remained mad at Blair who tried to fix his lack of trust in her by going behind his back to Uncle Jack who fucked them over and then Chuck forgave her for reasons I still can not wrap my head around and Blair kind of acted like a douche to Serena who needed Chuck's club opening to be a success so that her hideous boss would stop torturing her. Serena eventually got the bitch off her back by making out with Duff's ex-boyfriend which could improve his career prospects (I have no idea how, so don't ask) and told Blair to take her crap-ass idea of friendship and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

Meanwhile, Jenny shit all over her relationship with Eric who is the only friend she actually has and he told her to fuck right the hell off because it's one thing for her to have her minions dump yogurt on his head, but it is quite another for her to order those same minions to egg his (not cute enough for him) boyfriend. That final kiss-off scene could only have been better if he'd slapped her annoying face right into the end credits but instead he just shut the door in her face and she promptly retreated to her room where she tossed all of her Brooklyn clothes and her sewing machine out in favor of the expensive designer duds her new step-mom was footing the bill for. I hope that once the trash man collects all of it, Lily gets wind of what a total bitch Little J is and takes all the fancy clothes back leaving her with NOTHING!

So You Think You Can Dance was kind of boring last night. Everyone danced in groups and performed in their own styles. The hip hop number was pretty fun and I enjoyed Mandy Moore's contemporary piece, not least because it's the last time I'll get to see Billy Bell this season as he's had to leave the competition due to illness. But the three person tango (or whatever the hell it was) was kind of creepy and I am beyond agro with that bitchy wife and her CONSTANT assertions that her husband belongs to her. We all know he's your husband and none of us are trying to have sex with him, we're just watching him dance you miserable shrew! The tapping was boring and makes me pretty sure those folks could be leaving sooner than later. Sonya's jazz routine was also boring and disjointed and anything but sexy as she continually insisted it was supposed to be. Russell remains my lone favorite but hopefully tonight's episode will help me find some other people to vote for.

On a side-note, they re-did the stage to look more like the one at the Kodak Theater so it's 2/3 enclosed by an enormous, neon cocoon; the stage area is much too large for small groups, pairs or solos; the camera work and direction remain as bad as ever and now some of the angles are so bad that you can't even see the dancers for the thousand yards of stage...I am very unhappy with this remodel. And Nigel's obsession with getting Paula Abdul to be a guest judge on this show is dumb verging on creepy.

Thank God for One Tree Hill or last night would have been too much disappointment. In a fairly good episode that totally made me cry, Dan was the hero of the day when he tricked Lying Hobag into admitting that she never had sex with Nathan and in fact just saw this as an opportunity to make a little easy cash off a rich man (while simultaneously ruining his career, marriage, family and life - yeah, Dan can take his "sometimes bad things happen to good people" shtick and peddle it to a far more gullible person than I) thereby saving the day for the son who hates him. He also strongly implied that he knows Rachel doesn't love him and that he doesn't believe half of this redemption crap he's getting rich off of. So rest assured, Dan is still Dan and we can all still feel pretty good about hating him.

It turns out that Quinn's husband David did change in some ways that effectively made him a completely different person than who she fell in love with and she attempted to tell him at many stops along the road to douchiness that she wasn't terribly thrilled with these changes but mostly she dealt with the situation through passive aggressive pouting. So while I can see why she might not want to be married to David any more, I think she is partially at fault for not trying to work things out and instead just pouting and then bailing.

Through a series of flashback memories we follow the relationship of Clay and Sarah (who I will refer to from here on out as Jody Sawyer because of my deep, deep love of Center Stage) as they met on a bridge, she proposed to him (more on that in a second), she helped him be a better agent, they danced to Willie Nelson and then she died of grape Koolaid poisoning. Ok, I actually don't know what she died from but they're dancing all romantic like in their lovely open loft apartment when she declares she would love some grape Koolaid, she pours herself a glass, takes one sip, then makes a stricken face and collapses dead on the floor. No more Jody Sawyer.

Anyway, then her ghost insists that he stop holding on to her as if falling in love again will somehow negate the love they shared and start living. She lovingly pushes him toward Quinn and just when you think he'll take her advice because it's pretty clear that he and Quinn have a nice connection based on genuine affection and friendship, he practically orders Quinn to go back to her husband. What? I know!

In the most disjointed and tacked-on story of all time, Brooke bitched at Julian for still working with Slutty Actor Girl even though Brooke fired her despite the fact that Julian obviously wants to do SOMETHING other than sit around the house while Brooke works. He's a grown man with a passion for his chosen profession, for the love of loaves and fishes! Yes, Slutty Actor Girl got naked in front of him, but he didn't do anything so what the hell difference does it make? The Brooke I know and actually like has enough self confidence to not act like a jealous, petulant child and trust her boyfriend. Anyway, then she told him that she tried to propose to him but stopped when he told her he was going to Australia or New Zealand or wherever and then got butt hurt when he was railing at his controlling ass of a dad and said that they weren't getting married. So then he told her that he would like to marry her some day and she stayed sullen and mopey. This shit better end soon or I'm going to start hoping Julian does hook up with someone who isn't so annoying!

Now, I'd like to point out that this episode included two stories where women proposed to men and mention how much I support that. I am not a terribly old-fashioned person and thus I don't think that it's the man's duty to pop the question and I don't much care about elaborate proposals where the "romance" is over-the-top for no other reason than to impress people with the story later. I love it when women propose to men. Nothing could be more awesome, in my opinion, than a person of either gender, declaring a desire to spend the rest of their life with their partner. I hope that a whole generation of girls is learning from examples like these that they don't have to sit around and wait to be asked but can, in fact, take the lead on this important decision and be the one to do the asking. If I ever find a man I'd like to marry (you know, other than Josh Jackson), I hope I beat him to the question popping punch!

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