I've Fallen In Love

I'm not sure if it's because One Tree Hill and Glee are both still on hiatus, but at this moment, The Vampire Diaries is the show I most look forward to watching every week. In addition to being good, and soapy, and intriguing and fun, so freaking much happens in every episode that it's ridiculous. It's a little bit like Gossip Girl was before it became so crushingly boring.

I actually watched the show on Thursday when it aired, I just didn't have a chance to write it up until now.

We join the gang a short time after all of that tomb-opening action went down, and now Bonnie is out of town for Gram's funeral (why it wasn't in Mystic Falls is a mystery to me), Damon is in the midst of the mother of all self pity parties - he's in a perpetual state of drunkenness and compelling nearly an entire sorority to dance around in their underwear, have sex with him and let him nibble on them...literally of course - and Elena and Jenna are suddenly kind of obsessed with finding out exactly who gave birth to Elena and where she is now.

Jenna does a bunch of research, finds pictures and old yearbooks or something and Elena's off to go find Isobel's old BFF. But before she goes Jenna's all "oh, and before I forget to mention it, Alaric's dead wife was named Isobel." Elena does not choose to pursue that avenue either because it's a bit unnerving to find out that your hot history teacher might be your birth father or at the very least been married to your birth mother, or because she's more comfortable pursuing the leads that aren't complete conjecture at this stage. Jenna on the other hand, really wants to know so she brings a picture of Bio Mom with her on her date with Alaric and then interrupts a kiss (seriously, what the fuck is wrong with her?) to ask him if by any chance it is his wife, because if it is, then his wife totally gave birth to her niece. It is, in fact the same Isobel.

Elena visits BFF who does not invite her into the house and serves her vervain tea so, yeah, she knows some shit. She gives Elena just enough info to seem helpful "she was great, I was the only one who knew she was pregnant, she couldn't raise a baby, she left town after that, I never heard from her or saw her again." Elena knows her vervain though, and tries to find out what she really knows but BFF ain't havin' it so she gives Elena the boot. On her way to her new, adorable car (a red convertible Mini Cooper!) she sees a creepy man in the street. She drives off and the creepy man drops in on BFF. He confirms that she didn't tell Elena anything useful or damaging or whatever and then he mentions that he isn't a vampire before he kills her by throwing her down the stairs.

Remember how Matt and Caroline talked about when they hung out watching TV (So You Think You Can Dance specifically, which might be part of the reason I love them so much) and being adorable together when they were in that pre-coupling stage? Well they're still doing that and this time we're not just hearing about it but seeing it for ourselves. They're at his house, watching basketball on the couch when she suggests they do something more romantic and he jokingly blows her off before catching the snap, laying her down and the two of them getting good and undressed. It was a sight to behold! Until his long-absent mother walks in that is - for Kelly Donovan is none other than the awesome Melinda Clarke who is the epitome of "inappropriate mother" (Julie Cooper-Nichol, and Lady Heather people!). Seems Kelly has been out whoring around with her latest loser boyfriend, worried not at all about her missing teenage daughter and her adorably awesome teenage son. Welcome home, Kelly!

Now that he knows his wife had some secrets, Alaric is off to talk to Stefan. Apparently, Elena being his biological step daughter has renewed his interest in confirming once and for all that Damon did kill Isobel and also what he did with her body. And when he tells Stefan that Isobel was for sure Elena's birth mom, that makes Stefan want to get to the bottom of it too. I do not at all understand why. But it doesn't matter because upon his first interrogation of Damon, D refuses to cop to having eaten anyone named Isobel in North Carolina. How he can remember the names of all the people he's killed and where it happened is beyond me.

Now, it wouldn't be a week in Mystic Falls if the Founders Council weren't holding some kind of town-uniting function so we all head over to The Grill for the Founders Council Bachelor Auction. Actually, it's more like a bachelor raffle, presumably to raise the funds needed for the Council to secretly and ineptly continue their fight against vampires. Anyway, there are a handful of random men we've never seen before plus Alaric and Damon being sold off into sexy slavery. Eenie, meenie, miney, moe!

Kelly drops in to try and find another man she can run away with, and makes it quite clear to Caroline that no matter how nice C is to her, Kelly will always love Elena and hate C and even though Kelly so does NOT speak for Matt in these matters, she has Caroline a little worried when she tells her that Caroline is merely his rebound girl and it won't last. I think Melinda Clarke is awesome and Kelly is a pretty fun addition to town, but she needs to back up off my favorite couple 'cause I'll cut a bitch!

Up on stage in front of everyone (including Elena) Damon loses his shit and starts taunting Alaric all "I met his wife once, she was...delicious." How has this town not caught on to the fact that Damon is evil yet? Seriously. Well Alaric's had all he can take so he blows off Jenna (who won him in the raffle dontcha know) and heads over to the Salvatore Manse for a showdown with our favorite homicidal menace. He's got his stake and he's not going to back down until he finds out all the gory details and then kills Damon. They go around and around a bit, Damon finally copping to the fact that he actually didn't kill Isobel, he turned her into a vamp because she just wouldn't stop begging him to and he hates a nag. Alaric is, of course, hella pissed at the allegation that his beloved, vampire-enthusiast wife would ask to become a murderess fiend so he's ready to stake Damon's fine ass into the afterlife, but Damon has all those fancy super powers like strength and speed and before you know it, he's turned the tables on Alaric and stabbed him in the lung with his own stake. So right there on the floor of the manse, Alaric dies!

Seriously, this show kills people like there is no tomorrow!

That's when Stefan comes home and finds the bloody mess on the rug and is like "dude, why must you kill everyone? I mean, this is the second history teacher you've done in this year! History teachers don't grow on trees you know!" And Damon is like, "well it wasn't my fault. He wouldn't stop bugging me about his wife so I told him the truth, that I vamped the harpy bitch, and he got all stabby with that stake and you know I can't stand for that shit. I had to kill him. Now, we're out of scotch so I've got to go get more. Toodles!" Once Damon is gone, Stefan takes a moment to consider exactly how he's going to fix a situation that's ended with his history teacher - who happens to be dating his girlfriend's aunt - bleeding out on his Persian rug, and while he's thinking on it, he notices Alaric's hand twitch. That gives him pause, you know, because of how Alaric is dead and has a gaping, splinter-ridden hole in his chest. The Alaric gasps to life and the two of them sit there staring at each other agog for about an hour before Stefan asks if he's a vampire (he isn't) and Alaric realizes that it was totally that giant ugly ring that he wears which was a gift from Isobel who told him it would protect him.

While all that drama was unfolding, Elena found out that Damon offed her mother and went ape shit. She then lets Damon have it and he's all "she was your mom???" Then she sees the creepy guy from BFF's house again, he tells her to stop looking for Isobel, and then gets himself run over by a car. But he drops his cell and Elena grabs it. Later that night, she calls one of the numbers from it and when a woman answers, Elena says "Isobel?" and the woman hangs up. DUN!

Oh, and that tiny African American vamp that got loose? He ate a guy in the woods, stole his clothes and then tracked down Anna and her mom and stopped in to stay with them for a while.

This week, Stefan and Elena double date with Caroline and Matt in what might be the best bad idea anyone ever had, and Damon takes a bite out of Kelly's neck. This show fucking ROCKS!