Showing posts with label Hellcats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hellcats. Show all posts

May 18, 2011

The Season Of The Switch

I've already made my feelings on the quality decline of Hellcats clear so I'm not going to bitch too much more about it. I will only add that after a half season of being perfectly enjoyable, campy, and better than it had any right to be based on its name and subject, Hellcats ended it's series run with a dramatic story about strep throat. Strep. Throat. There's almost no one on that show that doesn't deserve better.  It did remind me how much I like Christine Lakin though.  Someone should give her a regular role in something. 


Glee hasn't ended it's season yet but it did take another giant step away from fun entertainment and toward unbearable self-satisfaction and preachy emotional manipulation at the expense of coherent storytelling and consistent characterization.  Did I cry at the funeral? Yes.  My heart is not made of stone.  But just because I'm easily manipulated (I seriously cry at everything, you guys) doesn't mean I mistake sappiness for quality.  Can Lea Michelle sing the fuck out of a Barbra Streisand song? Yes. Do I love Funny Girl to hell and back? Yes.  Would I pay cash money to hear Amber Riley sing "Try A Little Tenderness" twice a week for the rest of my life? Probably.  But none of that made the episode good. They've ruined this show while keeping just enough things in it that I can stand to keep me from abandoning ship.  I hate them for that.

May 13, 2011

Daddy Issues


Back in the fall I was making a fuss about how Hellcats was a much more fun, enjoyable show than it was given credit for being.  Last night I was incredibly embarrassed to still be watching the show at all. 

The opening cheer or dance numbers went from fun to squick-inducing and the "stories" really went down hill after Jake went to prison.  Last night I briefly considered deleting all of my Hellcats-related posts to erase all evidence of my support of the show would be erased from existence.  I was humiliated for everyone on the show (especially Gale Harold for slumming it here and Robbie Jones for that opening dance which was the cringiest thing I've ever witnessed on television).  Even Dan Patch can no longer rescue this show from itself.  When your show requires Gale Harold to say "I tried to tell you but your tongue was in my mouth" you have SERIOUS problems.  When he delivers that line, in hushed tones, to a woman 20 years his junior? Well, your show is just plain icky.  (Icky, by the way, is a technical term which refers to an uncomfortable situation which results in feelings of nausea, squirming, and general unease.)

So what exactly happened on the show, you ask?  Marti's banging her teacher now and then finds out that he's got a kid and isn't actually divorced.  They accidentally almost burn his house down when the two of them get so caught up in each other's eyes while slow dancing in the living room that they don't notice the house fill with smoke.  Savannah's dad embezzled money from the pension fund of a bunch of municipal employees but Savannah is sure it was an accident - and I can't even tell you how often I've accidentally embezzled money from pension plans, that shit is a hazard!  They bail him out of jail with money borrowed from the church and he promptly runs away because he is gross.  Dan's dad happens to be a municipal employee who no longer has a pension because of Savannah's dad which causes a bit of a rift between the two of them until Dan decides that he's going to be the bigger man.  And finally, Lewis's dad's truck is bankrupting him so Lewis and Nasty Kathy join a dance marathon to win him a new Rav4 but Alice hates it when other people do things so she breaks up Lewis and Nasty Kathy and then steps in to partner with Lewis instead.  They win the car but she tears up her foot in an especially vomit-inducing way in the process. 

It's time for this ratings-challenged show to be put out of our misery.  I suggest they parse the cast for particularly CW-worthy actors, relocate them to other, better shows.  Might I suggest Gale Harold find his way to Mystic Falls and Matt Barr gets a decent show of is very own?

February 25, 2011

Catching Up On Reviews

Remember when I used to write something here every day?  Ah, memories.  I've already made my apologies and excuses for my neglect but what I didn't mention before is that it's not going to improve in the immediate future either.  Why, you ask?  Mind your own business, I say.  Or, I explain that the little sis is visiting on her spring break and I hope to be much too busy doing fun things with her to stop in and post.  But this week isn't over yet and I've still got stuff to talk about so here goes. 

Fringe - Caught up on three episodes over the weekend and holy MOLY does that show know how to creep me out and also make me wish that we could pick and choose people from each world to make one ideal world while the other be destroyed by that wacky contraption.  I'd want to keep Broyles and Walter and Astrid.  But then I kind of want Peter to pick Fauxlivia because she has better hair and I like her Alterna-World peeps so much.  The show gets more interesting every week.

Hawaii Five-0 - It isn't great art or anything, but this is a very fun guilty pleasure show and I could watch Scott Caan stomp around bitching about everything all day long.  The writers are all clearly in love with Alex O'Loughlin.  Every episode is like "he takes off his shirt and then is AMAZING at something that a mere mortal would DIE at the thought of!"  It's hilarious. 

Supernatural - In all honesty, I don't remember the last episode very well at all.  It was a perfectly good episode.  I recal that the wall of supressed torture memories that Death put up when he re-souled him is breaking down and Sam is having some issues.  I know that Ben tricked Dean into coming "home" and then they had a "father/son" talk about how Ben wants to be like Dean but Dean doesn't want that to happen and then I decided that Ben should totally do that and be the star of Supernatural: The Next Generation.  Other than that, I don't know what the case of the week was or anything.  Oh, but tonight is the meta ep where Sam and Dean meet Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles.  I'm cautiously optimistic about enjoying this one. 

Pretty Little Liars - I'll be honest with you, I don't give a shit who A is.  I just love everything else about the show so much that the identity of A is secondary and completely irrelevant to me.  Hanna is my fave, of course and I'm completely invested in her new relationship with Caleb who, despite his hair, does not suck at all.  I'm super sad for Em because she wants to be BFFs with Toby but he's gone all hos before bros on her with Spencer who totally wants to hook up with Toby now that he's got a hair cut and isn't a murderer.  I'd probably be super bored with Aria and Ezra if they weren't so attractive and Ezra if they weren't so freaking attractive.  Plus this new school play story is teriff. 

One Tree Hill - Last week, after Julian and Brooke spent an entire day engaged in role-playing sex games, Julian realized they had entirely too much time on their hands so they should probably adopt a kid.  This week, they lied to a birth mother who promptly found out that everyone they know has spent time in jail, drinks, used to do coke, attempted suicide, is unemployed and/or has been stalked and nearly murdered by a psycho.  Then she told them they could have her baby.  They should be parents by next week.  Meanwhile, Nathan and Clay hung out with a college pitcher whom I find good looking despite my concerted efforts to the contrary.  He's a douche and a dick and he's up to his ears in daddy issues so naturally he hires them to be his agents.  If OTH's series finale doesn't end with the phrase "...and they all lived happily ever after" on a black screen, I will gasp in shock. 

Glee - Last week was maybe the worst, most cringy episode of the series so far (and there have been some very bad, very cringy episodes) but then this week everyone got drunk and it was fun and awesome.  Drunk Rachel is the best version of her.  Turns out Brittany is the one thing that can make "Key-dollar sign-ha" palatable.  And when Will hangs out with Beiste, I don't hate him very much at all.  Win!

Hellcats - I'm going to tell you what you need to know about this episode, ready?  Dan Patch wore a tux.  Dan Patch has a dad who is every bit as awesome as Dan himself.  Dan Patch and Savannah got back together.  The end. 

The Good Wife - I found this to be a bit of a ramp-up episode.  The calm before the storm of "the vote" next week.  A fine episode but not anything that blew my mind clean out of my head.  But happiness awaits us next week, friends because they're calling for a vote and Bond is going to move that Diane get the boot and OMG, if Will and Diane's plan to turn the tables and bounce Bond comes together like they want, I will dance around with joy.  Y'all know I love me some Diane/Will scenes. 

Justified - I've tried to form coherent words and thoughts about the latest episode but every time I start to talk about it, all I can say is: Walton Goggins.  Walton fucking Goggins.  So I'm going with it.  If you aren't watching this show and you don't know who Walton Goggins is, you should remedy that RIGHT NOW.  The show is great and Walton Goggins is AMAZING. 

The Vampire Diaries - Spring hiatus starts now.  So the bad news is we have a five week wait for new episodes.  The good news is that I can be totally late with my recap due to my vacation but still get one up.  I have many things to say and some of them aren't even "MAAAAAATTTTTTT!"  So I'll see you back here in a week or so for that. 

February 9, 2011

MeeOW!

I know it's not high art or anything, but I really do love Hellcats.  It's perfectly absurd and superficial and fluffy even when it tries to be something deeper (the guy in prison for a crime he didn't commit, for example) but it manages to be the good kind of absurd, superficial and fluffy.  The entertaining kind. 

Last week's was particularly fantastic (despite a total lack of Dan Patch) and this week was nearly as good.  After nearly being snatched by a couple of creepers in the night Marti sooths her nerves with a late-night solo run where she sits on a bench in a wooded area and makes a phone call.  Because Marti is the smart one.  The phone call is to Dan who finally answers his phone and gives us a wonderful split-screen convo wherein he tells us that he's been in New Orleans volunteering on the oil spill clean-up.  Oh yeah, he's also being fitted for a tux.  It was beautiful in every way. 

When the conversation is over she hears noises and is promptly abducted.  From the secluded, wooded area.  Where she was sitting alone.  At night.  Smart one. 

Turns out her abductors were actually the Hellcats who snatched her for an initiation thing where they all tell stories about how they came to join the squad.  Oh, sorry.  Where Lewis, Savannah, Coach Boring (who I continue not to care about unless she's kissing Red) and Alice tell stories.  Apparently it doesn't matter how everyone else got there. 

This is all Alice's way of showing Marti that the team is too important to risk them being shut down along with the football program if all the Jake heinousness comes to light.  Marti agrees to keep the DVD to herself but then Travis is beaten to a pulp in prison and he fires her and the other do-gooders as his council.  Marti tells Savannah what's going on and Savannah brings the sitch to the whole team and they all have this all for one moment where they agree to fight for Marti and what's right and to hell with bringing down all athletic programs at their college.  I teared up.  Don't judge me.

December 2, 2010

The storm before the calm.

The Holiday hiatus is the hardest part of the TV season for me.  I don't much care about the litany of holiday "specials" that they foist on us, and while the summer is it's own mini-season now, the winter hiatus is a month of reruns and old cartoons.  Thank God that we seem to mostly be going out on a bang before everything is put into deep freeze until sometime in January. 


The Glee kids took another trip to sectionals and while the episode wasn't quite as fun as last week (no Sue and no Burt - boo!), it was better than most of the season that's preceded it.  The writing is still unforgivably uneven and most infuriating is the way they change the personalities of the kids to suit whatever story they want to tell each week.  Say what you will about how selfish and annoying Rachel is, at least she's the same every week (Kurt too).  The rest of the kids are all over the damn place.  One week they love and support each other, the next they hate and plot against each other.  It's 50/50 whether you'll get Puck the badass or Puck the helpful friend. 

Santana may want to punch Rachel every time she opens her mouth, but I'd like to punch Santana every time she's on camera - open mouth or not.  We spend all this energy on the Karofsky/Kurt bullying arc but it's ok for Santana to be a mean bitch to Rachel whenever the mood strikes?  Sorry, but no.  The songs were enjoyable again this week and I love every scene that Kurt and Rachel share together (when the glee club kids graduate from McKinley, I think the show should leave Ohio and follow Kurt and Rachel to New York and watch the two of them try to make it on Broadway).  Blaine and Sam have sure added a heaping helping of CUTE to the proceedings and that helps take my mind off of some of the things about the show that fill me with rage.  I didn't even mind the Finn/Rachel/Puck stuff once I stopped paying any attention at all to Santana's involvement in it.  But the ice under this show is getting thinner by the minute so I hope the back half sucks a whole lot less than the front half did or it's going to splash right into the dark, cold waters of a season pass cancellation. 


One Tree Hill on the other hand, has found a way to be ridiculous and over-the-top while also being completely and wonderfully entertaining.  Bringing Dan back and playing up his creepiest qualities and then having him be a "good guy" in the end was fun.  The silly redneck wedding was purely throwaway and cheesy but if you didn't enjoy watching the Tree Hill gang over-do "redneck" then you are cold and dead inside.  Everything about the episode was fun to watch up to and including the completely insane ending that had Dead Ringer singing aloud in the car to a stalker's anthem as she headed back to Tree Hill to finish what she started (who let that woman out of the nut house?).  I know this show gets a bad rap from critics and...most everyone else over 21 in the world but they can all suck it because this show is what Desperate Housewives has always wanted to be but never managed. 


Thanksgiving came late to Life Unexpected and when it got there, it carbo-loaded and dropped a big pile of sad on everyone.  We haven't officially confirmed that Emma spent her best years banging Papa Baze but, come on, we all saw the looks and his ridiculous over-reaction - we know what's up.  Cate is pregnant so naturally there's lying and subterfuge followed by fighting and childishness followed by making up because that's how those two roll.  I'm ok with it - it's what we're used to.  Emma's son (I know he has a name but for the life of me, I can not remember it - let's just call him Degrassi) is no Jones, but if he wants to blackmail Lux into kissing him and dumping Tiny Teach for him, I'm totally for it. 

You know what though?  Who cares about all of this because the important thing that happened this week, is what's going to happen next week (yeah, technically that makes no sense but that doesn't make it any less true).  The police showed up at the loft looking for Cate and Ryan because they're arresting Tasha for how she almost killed the scary foster dad (and, you know, Cate and Ryan are Tasha's legal guardians) so next week we go to trial where we confirm that Scary Foster Dad molested (raped even?) Lux and beat her and all kinds of stuff.  But here's the thing you guys, Tasha really did hit the dude with a shovel and Degrassi really did witness it so even if we find out for sure that SFD was an SOB (heh), Tasha could still go to juvie.  Save Tasha!


I don't think I've said much about Terriers here but I have given it quite a bit of love on Twitter and the fact of the matter is that it is a perfect show.  Unfortunately it's a perfectly IGNORED show by most people so it's ratings have been, in a word, abysmal which is a crying shame because if it gets cancelled after how amazing that season finale was, I will cry real and heartfelt tears.  I'm reluctant to talk about what happened because if you haven't watched the show, you need to stop reading this right now and go watch every single episode of it either on the internet or download it from iTunes.  I guess I'll just say that Hank wrapped up the Ocean Beach Airport case with the help of Britt, Mark, and Laura but, wrapping up that case opened another can of worms that is exactly the kind of worm can we'd enjoy watching them sort through in season 2.  Britt dealt with his legal and relationship problems like the man that we've always known him to be.  Then, in the end, our boys sat at a crossroads contemplating their futures.  I hope they pick the future that's straight ahead because that's the future I want to find them in when (WHEN!) the show is renewed for a second, perfect season. 


You know what else is perfect?  Friday Night Lights.  When the kids on this show play a football game, I stand up and scream for touchdowns, passes, sacks, interceptions, fumbles - you name it, I scream for it like it was a live game with an undetermined outcome.  The Loins Lions won their game this week against the Racist Dickheads but that was really the least of the story.  The thing is though, I can't really tell you what the most of the story was because it's not necessarily the plot points with this show.  It's the moments.  The true-to-life little things that they just get so right - like when Coach had a heart-to-hear with Vince while he cooked bacon in his office (which...wha?), or when he sat on the patio silently listening to Vince, Luke, Tinker and Hastings talk as boys do, or when the boys shared some drunken reverie and then needed to be patched up by Jess.  How 'bout when Coach called home to tell Tami that they'd won and had a half-drunk flirty phone conversation with his half-drunk wife?  Even when Julie came crawling home after being humiliated at school by her boyfriend's wife.  That's just a partial list of the moments that the episode contained.  What will we do without this show? 


Moving back into the realm of the not-critically-acclaimed-but-still-completely-awesome, let's talk about Hellcats, shall we?  The entire episode can be summed up in three words: Marti ruins everything!  Dan is leaving town because she threw herself at him a little and then when he told her he had feelings for her and he wanted to do something about that she blew him off.  Lewis found out about Marti's indiscretion at the same time the rest of the Hellcats did because that's how Marti chose to come clean to Savannah - by telling her she was "with" Dan "physically" in front of everyone.  Gross, Marti.  Really gross.  Do I think that Savannah maybe should have cut Marti the tiniest break considering that the confession took place MOMENTS after Marti had saved her from being date-raped?  Yes.  Does that completely negate the shittiness of what Marti did?  No.  I'm not completely heartless, it was kind of sad to see Marti so distraught at the end, but I don't have too much sympathy because she brought that on herself.  She ruins everything, you guys.  EVERYTHING.