Bad Idea Jeans

Everyone on Gossip Girl was wearing them last night.

Nate tried to scheme, which he should know not to do without Blair and/or Chuck supervision because he's really just here for his looks. His plan was to convince his FRIEND Serena to attempt to win Carter back from the Buckley's in a game of poker where the stakes were a bunch of Nate's grandpa's money and a picture of Trip van der Bilt with a big ol' bong at his bachelor party against a bunch of the Buckley money, the erasure of Carter's debt to their family (so...MORE of the Buckley money) and the promise that the Buckley's leave Carter alone forever.

Nate does not let Serena in on the fact that he's making sure she loses so that the Buckley's release the damning photo that is actually a fake so that the van der Bilts can "expose" them as the kind of ass holes who fake damning photos of their political rivals. Even though it's actually the van der Bilt's who are that kind of ass hole. Plus, turns out Nate is the kind of ass hole who isn't even sorry when his friend calls him out for using her.

In the end Serena tells PJ Buckley what Nate did so PJ doesn't release the photo and Trip van der Bilt might have to get elected on just the name recognition and his grandfather's money alone. PJ was grateful for the face-save so he gave Carter back to Serena but then Carter got pissed because being the jackpot in a game of poker is a pretty emasculating experience so he gave himself back to the Buckley's to work off his debt to them like a man who is actually contrite about the horrible things that he's done.

But that's just the tip of the bad idea iceberg!

You know how Vanessa has a habit of saying inappropriately judgemental things about wealthy people right to their faces? And how she has that crippling sense of superiority toward the rich, and people who know the rich, and people who once walked down Park Ave.? Well compared to her mother, she's practically Edith Wharton!

So there's this whole thing with the freshman toast at a Parents' Dinner at NYU and Blair wants to give it but Vanessa gets it until Hilary Duff decides to go and then the Dean gives it to her so Blair convinces V to scheme and lie to get it back. So V pits Duff and Dan against each other in this "she doesn't like your parents" / "his parents hate actors" story that creates some pretty hilariously disastrous conversations between Duff, Dan, Rufus and Lily. Then Blair steps up her game and tricks Chuck into kissing the gay Dean (who needed the kiss as part of a scavenger hunt so...he's obviously the worst college administrator ever) so that he'll let her give the toast. The man on man kiss was talked about and talked about just like they did years ago when Kerr Smith's Jack was finally going to kiss a boy on Dawson's Creek. And even worse than on DC, this kiss was about as romantic as when I kiss my brother - a blink-and-you'll-miss-it, dry as a bone peck on the lips. Yawn. But, Chuck did fess up that he's kissed guys before and while I was not at all surprised, it did make me hope for some flashbacks to the make-out sessions I just KNOW he and Nate have shared over the years. It's also worth noting that Chuck was looking H-O-T last night.

Anyway, that's when V loses her shit, snags a live mic and gets Blair to bust herself and cop to all of her shenanigans - including her Chuck manipulation - and when everyone hears she's obviously humiliated but worse than that, Chuck gives her the coldest of shoulders and it breaks her tiny little stone heart.

Meanwhile, Vanessa's lies come out too and the van der Bassphries are able to mend their rift with Duff and probably V because they're a lot more forgiving than they should be most of the time but for now Vanessa is left to cry in the coffee shop over the extreme suckitude of her mom until her new frenemy Blair comes in needing to commiserate over coffee and croissant.