October 27, 2011
Red Marker, Red Marker, Run Tyler Right Over
If you aren't watching Revenge, you are missing out on easily the most engrossing, soapy, delicious show since the heyday of Dallas and Dynasty. Every time Emily destroys the life of another person who participated in the fall of her father, I get chills. Not just because Emily is a badass who can ruthlessly ruin a life while wearing casually elegant sun dresses and sipping champagne, but also because the way she takes them down is ever more befitting the role they played in the destruction of her father. I love nothing so much as a plan exhibiting patience above all else and Emily is the queen of laying groundwork for a year or more before finally springing her trap.
But we've reached the point in the series where we're seeing that Emily can't always win. Sometimes plans go awry or someone is smarter than you've given them credit for. She's nearly been found out two weeks in a row and the danger isn't over. First Lydia spotted her in a picture of an old party working as a cater waiter and was seconds away from finding out her real name when Frank came in and tossed Lydia off her balcony onto a parked taxi below. Emily and Nolan got a little cocky and shipped the surreptitiously obtained surveillance video to the Grayson's so they'd fire Frank but Frank is not new to the investigate-and-destroy game. He tracked the video to Nolan and Nolan essentially told him that it's Emily. Frank ain't the guy you want suspicious of you, Em. Eep! These developments amp up the drama and raise the stakes and that makes for an even better show.
Emily obviously doesn't have time to take her eye off of the vengeance ball even for a moment but she is really going to need to deal with the Tyler situation because, while I'm 100% Team Jack (Nick Wechsler, swoon!), I like Daniel too much to watch his character be sullied by his willing association with this creeptastic douche. Either Daniel was a truly awful person prior to the accident that got him off the sauce and back under his mother's thumb, or he's the stupidest person ever because those are really the only reasons he'd be friends with that guy.
So Tyler finally outed his intense sexual crush on Daniel when he roofied and tried to make out with our little prince and once he was rebuffed, he gave himself a head injury and told everyone it was from Daniel. He's so obviously the "if I can't have you NO ONE CAN!" guy who could have been the trigger man that popped off Daniel in the opening moments of the season. Yeah, it's early to speculate on that and Emily could very well destroy this little stain of a man long before the summer ends and Daniel is killed, but come on, you can tell that's totally his shtick right? I also suspect that Tyler's poor and has been pretending to be from money just like he's been pretending to be straight which is, again, where Daniel comes off as a simpleton because Tyler doesn't seem to be very good at pretending either thing and yet Daniel has bought it for a couple of years already.
This is why, even if Jack hadn't given the dreamiest speech about sailing I've ever heard; and even if Jack hadn't taken it upon himself to fix and relocate Emily's porch swing to just the spot her dad always wanted it; and even if I weren't super concerned with getting Joshua Bowman back on Make It Or Break It as Max the bisexual gymnast, I'd still be Team Jack. Daniel just isn't quite smart enough for Emily.
In other news, someone needs to make Connor Paolo tone it the fuck down with that accent. Do it by force if necessary but MAKE IT STOP.