October 13, 2011

Chili Is For Losers

I know I've complained a lot the past three weeks about how The Vampire Diaries' third season wasn't filling me with joy, but that didn't mean I had lost faith in the show or the writers.  I haven't.  I knew they'd bring all the pieces together eventually, I just didn't enjoy the wait as much as everyone else did.  But the wait for things to start gelling came to an end last week and I loved every second of it.

Unfortunately liking the bejeezus out of it didn't translate into making a whole lot of time to recap it and I'm down to the wire.  As I sit down to write this I have exactly 2 hours until the new episode airs in my time zone.  So I'm going to make this particularly quick.  

Stefan, Klaus and Rebekah are still chillin' in Chicago and Rebekah doesn't want to walk around in that lovely beaded number from the '20s so the boys have taken her shopping.  She tries on gonorrhea dresses (those are the ones that are so short, if she sits down in public she's very likely standing up with a communicable disease) while Special K and Stefan drink champagne and complain.  Shopping! Am I right, guys?  

Stefan heads out for some "air" and runs into Katherine on the street who's like, "listen to me, I know stuff."  Stefan, who is doing a spot-on Damon impression, tells her that he's in mid-plan so she should go away.  

The Windy City Wackadoos head over to Gloria's to see about locating the necklace which Gloria does with the help of some mojo but she plays it off all "vague feelings" and "more of an art than a science" talk and then Stefan suggests that the Wackadoos go get some dinner while Gloria puzzles the puzzle of the missing necklace.  

After they've eaten their tourists, Stefan makes some excuse and heads back to Gloria's where he tries to pull a Damon again and it doesn't work out so well.  Gloria ties him to a table and tortures him a little.  What we find out is that Gloria isn't interested in helping Klaus, she's interested in getting the necklace back to keep Klaus from getting what he's after.  Stefan still loves Elena.  The doppelganger is still alive (duh). And also that Gloria is a fucking badass.  Unfortunately, Katherine is like "one badass chick per town, honey" and stabs her in the neck.  RIP Gloria.  

Katherine figures out Stefan's plan of being Klaus's BFF to steer him away from Mystic Falls and Stefan fills her in on how he has a past with the Special K and Beks.  Katherine wants to play the game with him but he doesn't think he needs help.  Damon never thinks so either and he's always wrong too.  Sigh. 

Stefan goes to the Warehouse of Original Corpses where he flirts with Rebekah who's like "smoochy smoochy...yep, you're lying."  She tattles to Klaus that Stefan is playing them and Klaus is less than pleased.  Big mistake, Stefan.  You're not going to like Klaus when he's angry.  

Back in Mystic Falls, Damon is hanging around Elena, annoying her about chili and suddenly asking why she's wearing the necklace that he himself gave back to her on her birthday.  Oh Damon, do shut up.  Alaric is like "tired of you now, please leave."  Turns out Alaric thinks Damon shouldn't be hanging around Elena so much.  Damon thinks Alaric should mind his own bees wax.  Damon makes sure Ric's wearing his ring and then snaps his neck because the only thing he hates more than having feelings is being called on his shit.  Once Ric comes back to life, he and Damon have a spat.  

Damon also tries to compel Bill Forbes to forget that Caroline is a vampire but Bill is like "some people are REALLY good at MIND CONTROL" and Damon refuses to get it and is then SHOCKED when the compulsion doesn't take.  Damon is cracking under the pressure of trying to be like Stefan, you guys.  That's probably why the mullet.  

Caroline is still trying to come to terms with the shit with her dad and her preferred method of dealing involves rolling around in bed with a partially nude Tyler.  This is why no one ever asks why Caroline is my favorite.  It's just obvious.  

Unfortunately, the festivities are interrupted so that Caroline can go save her dad from being eaten by Bill and then kicking Damon's ass.  Caroline is more awesome than all of the Originals put together.  For real. 

Elena wants Damon to be more like Stefan and Damon really doesn't want to.  They fight. Whatever. 

Bonnie is busy trying to figure out what's the what with Elena's necklace suddenly going all kerflooey (sorry to throw technical jargon at you) while her boyfriend is up to his beautiful shoulders in the ghost of girlfriend past as Anna has found a way to carry on a convo with him and now doesn't want to leave him alone.  Malese Jow looks ridiculously pretty and she and McQueen have the most insane chemistry so every scene makes me want them to make out even though I don't want Jeremy to cheat on Bonnie and Anna is dead anyway.  It's a very complicated situation.  

Jeremy tells Bonnie about the ghosts.  

Katherine, dressed all up in her best Elena suit, asks Bonnie for "her" necklace back and while giving it to her, Bonnie tells her how Jeremy sees dead people.  Katherine is very interested in this and vamp speeds away leaving Bonnie agape thinking her BFF just ditched her.  So apparently when the witches nicked her powers they took her common sense with it.  Swell.

Bill leaves but takes one last chance to be a dick before he does.  

Alaric goes to Interim Mayor Lockwood and Sheriff Forbes and is all "I'm joining the council."  They're like "um...no, I don't think that's going to work for us. But thanks for asking."  Ric is all "not asking.  Telling.  See you at the next meeting."  My "Alaric For Mayor of Mystic Falls" buttons should be back from the printer on Tuesday.  

Katherine shows up at Salvatore Acres with the necklace, a story to tell and a plan that involves leaving town.  

Klaus and Beks roll into Mystic Falls with a truck full of Original Corpses and a busted Stefan, ready to fuck shit up but good.  For the record, no one in the world has a better bat-shit crazy smile than Joseph Morgan. 

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