October 13, 2011

"Sasha stole my sizzle."

You've probably noticed that my posting has been particularly light this week and that I'm way behind on getting my Vampire Diaries recap up.  I have a really good excuse for this, are you ready? Make It Or Break It was so fun I had to spend every free minute watching that.  Here's how things went down in the second season:

The girls go to France where Lauren arranges for Emily to see Damon who's on tour opening for Green Day.  No one remembers that every time Lauren does something nice it's only to trick you into turning around so she can stab you in the back.  Lauren arranges for Ellen Beals to catch Emily breaking the rules, that gets Emily benched and Lauren competes in her place.  Emily and Damon break up but decide to meet up again in two years after she's had her chance at the Olympics. 

Austin Tucker, the biggest star in US Men's Gymnastics, meets the girls in France and then promptly joins The Rock.  He's smug and ridiculous a pain in the girls' asses. 

Sasha helps Payson transform herself post-surgery from a power gymnast into an artistic gymnast and his faith in her and his face lead to her developing a crush on him.  One night, with the practice camera rolling, Payson kisses him and he immediately rebuffs her advances.  Embarrassment, agony, contrition, Sasha being awesome, everything is hunky dorey. 

But Lauren finds the tape, edits it to make it look like Sasha was makin' out with Payson, and sends it to Ellen Beals.  Ellen uses that to help Steve Tanner win the election as president of the parents' board. 

Austin throws a party and expresses an interest in Kaylie.  Try as I might, I can no longer resist the charms of Austin Tucker. 

Austin helps Emily with her gymnastics.

Emily and Damon get back together and are happy for 2 seconds.

Both Austin and Sasha see that Kaylie has developed an eating disorder and both go to her and her parents but the entire Cruz family is all "we know everything, you know nothing."  Kaylie competes to make the Worlds team and passes out on the balance beam because she hasn't eaten since season 1. 

Emily, who has elevated blaming her mother for everything to an art, throws a hissyfit when she finds out that Steve Tanner is the one who's been secretly funding her scholarship.  She blames Chloe.  Chloe gets a second job - as a bartender at a local strip club - to help pay the bills. 

But her second job means that she isn't home when Brian starts having a seizure one night and so, rather than calling 911 like a normal person, Emily runs out to the drug store where she steals his medicine.  Her legal troubles pile up until she's arrested at the tryouts for the Worlds team. 

Sasha continues to be gorgeous and a rather perfect boyfriend to Summer who is finally overcome with lust and rips his shirt off.  But Sasha is all "we can't do this because I don't want to be responsible for you breaking your vows of celibacy until marriage just because I'm ridiculously sexy." 

Summer goes to church to yell at God for sending her a sexy Romanian stud and then expecting her to keep it in her pants.  Then she asks him to show her what to do.  Steve walks in.  UGH.

Ellen Beals does evil things. 

Sasha blames himself for the many troubles that the girls have gotten themselves into so he quits The Rock and becomes a boxer in Denver.  The things he lets them do to his face make me sad.

The fact that he's gone at all makes Payson sad.

Kaylie goes to rehab to treat the eating disorder she won't admit she has where she meets a model who teaches her how to game the system.  I mostly want to punch Kaylie in the face.

The Rock gets a new coach who is a 25 year old new age bubble brain as a coach. 

Carter goes to train in Denver and might be hooking up with Kelly Parker.  I throw a party because Carter was kind of the worst.

Austin recruits his friend Max to train at The Rock.  Max takes an instant shine to Payson, who totally flirts with him, but before anyone has time to blink, Lauren already has her claws out and a plan for getting Max into bed.  Lauren is really hard to take. 

Emily is put on probation by the NGO and as a final farewell to her relationship with Damon, she has sex with him. 

When Kaylie gets out of rehab and still isn't allowed to go back to The Rock, she must find a hobby.  Since having a bad attitude doesn't count, she takes up the hobby of letting Damon use her mom's recording studio.  That's not a hobby, you say?  Try telling that to Kaylie. 

Damon and Kaylie become friends when her annoying model friend dies of an anorexia induced heart attack.  He goes to the funeral with her.  It's very sweet. 

Then Damon helps her deal with her feelings by writing a song with her and then having her perform it with him at the Pizza Shack.  Emily sees this and is sad. 

Austin helps Payson with her gymnastics because Austin is not just cute, he's also the most helpful guy ever. 

Damon is an idiot and kisses Kaylie.  Kaylie rebuffs him. 

Emily is sad.

The girls go to Hungary for a meet. 

They take a detour to Romania to try and convince Sasha to come back.  They fail but Summer succeeds. 

The gang is back together again.  Sasha is coming home.  I love Sasha the most. 

The Hungarian doping police tell Emily and Sasha that they found something in her urine test.  She swears she isn't doing any drugs and the Hungarian is all, "yeah I know but you are pregnant."  Emily tells her mom and they are both sad. 

Emily tells Damon about the baby and that does not go well. 

The girls go to talk to Emily but Chloe tells them that she's run off to Las Vegas.  This news looks like it may cause vomiting. 

Summer gets engaged to Steve Tanner and agrees to adopt Lauren. 

Max continues to be torn between how much he really likes Payson....

...and how much he'd really like a hand job which Lauren is probably giving out by the dozens. 

Austin remains hopelessly and sweetly in love with Kaylie but won't do anything about it because he doesn't want to hurt her recovery. 

So instead he helps her train for Worlds. 

Max does gymnastics.

Max is a photographer. 

Lauren wants Max to take her picture.  

Austin thinks Lauren should back up off his buddy because he's so not the kind of guy who falls for Lauren's brand of bullshit.  See how lovable Austin is?

Max and Payson get a dog together.  Max names the dog Phoebe.  Phoebe is the most adorable thing in the world. 

Summer finds out that it was Lauren who sent the kissing tape to Ellen Beals and that Steve knew Lauren did it and did nothing.  She breaks off the engagement and breaks up with both of the Tanners.  I hope she goes back to Sasha and they get married so that she'll get him undressed again.  I enjoyed that.  Also, it's a damn shame to think that someone as good looking and awesome as Sasha is sleeping alone every night.

Lauren throws herself at Max.  He turns her down.  Payson tells Max she loves him and he runs away.  Austin goes looking for him and finds him drunk and complaining about how he just turned down two beautiful girls.  Austin's like "well what the fuck, dude?"  Max answers that question by kissing Austin.  Seems his problem is that he's bisexual and he's afraid to tell either girl for fear they won't like him anymore.  Austin's like "well I'm straight and you just kissed me fairly inappropriately and I still like you so stop being such a baby."  I [heart] Austin a lot.

Then Lauren gets into a car accident wherein she suffers two bruises while Max gets a broken collar bone.  While Max is all doped up he asks the nurse to get his girlfriend.  She gets Lauren but then when Lauren is in there holding his hand and calling him honey, he calls her Payson.  Oops.

Kaylie and Kelly become friends and then break up. 

Lauren, Payson, Kaylie and Kelly Parker go to Worlds where they kind of suck.  Sasha locks them in a room to deal with their shit.  Lauren complains that Sasha stole her sizzle and instantly makes that my favorite line of the series. 

All the girls sort of forgive Kelly and start to like her because they realize that she's only awful because her mom is the meanest manamomster in history. 

The girls go out and win Worlds because this is TV and shit like that totally happens on TV. 

Sasha is happy. 

Max tells Payson he loves her but she stops him before he's able to say "and also, I like boys" because once a boy that cute tells you he loves you, you don't really need to know any more stuff. 

Kaylie and Austin finally become a couple. 

And now I have to wait until next summer to find out what happens next.  This is going to be excruciating. 

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