May 13, 2011
Back in the fall I was making a fuss about how Hellcats was a much more fun, enjoyable show than it was given credit for being. Last night I was incredibly embarrassed to still be watching the show at all.
The opening cheer or dance numbers went from fun to squick-inducing and the "stories" really went down hill after Jake went to prison. Last night I briefly considered deleting all of my Hellcats-related posts to erase all evidence of my support of the show would be erased from existence. I was humiliated for everyone on the show (especially Gale Harold for slumming it here and Robbie Jones for that opening dance which was the cringiest thing I've ever witnessed on television). Even Dan Patch can no longer rescue this show from itself. When your show requires Gale Harold to say "I tried to tell you but your tongue was in my mouth" you have SERIOUS problems. When he delivers that line, in hushed tones, to a woman 20 years his junior? Well, your show is just plain icky. (Icky, by the way, is a technical term which refers to an uncomfortable situation which results in feelings of nausea, squirming, and general unease.)
So what exactly happened on the show, you ask? Marti's banging her teacher now and then finds out that he's got a kid and isn't actually divorced. They accidentally almost burn his house down when the two of them get so caught up in each other's eyes while slow dancing in the living room that they don't notice the house fill with smoke. Savannah's dad embezzled money from the pension fund of a bunch of municipal employees but Savannah is sure it was an accident - and I can't even tell you how often I've accidentally embezzled money from pension plans, that shit is a hazard! They bail him out of jail with money borrowed from the church and he promptly runs away because he is gross. Dan's dad happens to be a municipal employee who no longer has a pension because of Savannah's dad which causes a bit of a rift between the two of them until Dan decides that he's going to be the bigger man. And finally, Lewis's dad's truck is bankrupting him so Lewis and Nasty Kathy join a dance marathon to win him a new Rav4 but Alice hates it when other people do things so she breaks up Lewis and Nasty Kathy and then steps in to partner with Lewis instead. They win the car but she tears up her foot in an especially vomit-inducing way in the process.
It's time for this ratings-challenged show to be put out of our misery. I suggest they parse the cast for particularly CW-worthy actors, relocate them to other, better shows. Might I suggest Gale Harold find his way to Mystic Falls and Matt Barr gets a decent show of is very own?