Death Is Their Gift

Every time I think The Vampire Diaries has gotten as good as it can possibly get, it finds a way to get better.  And not just a little better, sometimes it fully doubles in awesomeness.  


Previously, there was a curse that wasn't about what we thought it was about because instead it was about Klaus getting to be a werepire. His dashing, badass brother Elijah was sick of his shit and was working with the Mystic Falls All Stars to kill him during his curse-busting ritual. Klaus turned Jenna into a vampire, and Tyler took a nibble out of Damon's arm. Approximately 2,486 other things happened but none of us has all month to rehash it here.  


In the Lookwood Kennel for Wayward Werewolves, Caroline and Matt are sequestered in a cage trying to keep Wolf Tyler out.  Wolf Tyler starts to get his snout through the bars of the cage and Matt panics and shoots him. Caroline screams, and Wolf Tyler goes down with a whimper.  Caroline vamp-speeds Matt out of there once Matt stops being kind of a raging butt about holding her hand.


At Alaric's Apartment, Katherine and Damon have a chat about Damon's werebite.  Damon's pretty pissed that Katherine got Jenna taken and vamped but it's the kind of pissed where he's not expending energy on all those empty "I'm going to kill you" threats and has taken to being all "whatever, you're the worst. I hope you're sad and lonely forever. I'm going to go get myself killed for the woman I love now, have you seen my jacket?" I rather like the no-bluster, serious Damon.  As a bonus, he still has crazy eyes even when he's not acting particularly crazy. 


In the woods at Klaus's Official Ritual and Exposition Creepatorium, we're getting Jenna's vampification story. Long story short - doppelganger hijinks, kidnapping, blood drinking, neck snapping, woke up at the Creepatorium.  Greta the Grinning Witch is like "this is taking forever" so she telekenetically flings Elena across the Creepatorium and lights a ring of fire around her to keep her at bay.  Then she slices her wrist open with a rock and forces Jenna to drink, thereby completing her vampformation.  You know, it's really less of a grin, and more of a smirk.  Greta is just as irritating as her father and brother were before they were mercifully killed.  

House of the Whispery Witches.  Bonnie and Jeremy are sexily laying around reading grimoires amidst 3000 off-white pillar candles while the local Wicks and Sticks franchisee pays cash for a new Bentley and books a cruise around the world for her summer vacation.  Jeremy doesn't think they're going to have any luck finding a spell that will prevent Elena from vamping but Bonnie's reassuring and zen about it.  


Outside, Elijah is giving Stefan and Alaric the deets on the ritual. He explains that once Elena dies, Klaus will officially become a werepire and I will officially have more questions than answers.  I mean, for example, if Klaus bites himself, will he die?  According to Elijah, Klaus wants to create a werepire race of his very own but in "Bloodlines" Damon specifically told Elena that "vampires can't procreate" so, how is Klaus going to make this "race" of werepires?  And what's the upside to a race of werepires anyway?  Or is he just like a crazy kid with a new toy who mainly wants to, you know, make sure he wins all the Badass Of The Year awards?  All of these questions are making my head hurt.  Elijah says he just needs Bonnie to deliver Klaus to the brink of death during the transformation and then he'll swoop in and kill Klaus himself.  I love watching Elijah swoop.  He's a world-class swooper.  


Damon calls Stefan then and gives him the bad news about Jenna.  Stefan looks at Alaric and is like, "why do I always have to be the one to deliver the bad news?" I think it's his strong jaw and comforting hair that make him so good at the job.  


Creepatorium. Jenna is doing that thing all the new vamps do - talking up their heightened senses and breathing heavy.  Elena is trying to teach her the finer points of being a "good" vamp.  Greta arrives then with Jules who is screaming in pain.  That's when Klaus shows up, calls the assembled ritual fodder "my lovelies" and affects a calm demeanor that gives me a bit of a wiggins.  


Caroline and Matt arrive at the Lookwood house and lock themselves in while Matt reloads his rifle.  Oh, how I wish that was a metaphor.  Caroline's like "oh, hey, WHAT THE FUCK, dude?  Didn't I compel you to forget all the vampire/werewolf stuff?"  He tells her that her mom had him on vervain and faking his compulsion so he could spy on her.  The news that her mom knows and continues to hate vampires is pretty upsetting for Caroline.  Caroline wonders if Matt feels the same way but he's all business and declines to answer. You all know I love Matt but he's really pissing me off in this episode.  If you can't just blindly love Caroline and worship the ground she walks on, no matter what sort of undead monster she is, I don't think I can trust your judgment about anything.  


Salvatore House.  John arrives looking for Elena but finds only a snark-laden update on the evening's progress thus far from Damon.  "How could you let that happen?  You were supposed to keep her safe.  Wasn't that the sum total of your plan, 'to keep her safe'?" John asks.  Yes, John, yes it was.  But as I've tried to tell you all a million times, Damon is not good with the plans!  You fools have only yourselves to blame for continuing to let him have these plans.  Anyway, Damon's all "I fed her my blood, we're good."  


Creepatorium.  Klaus gives Smirky McWitch the moonstone and she starts to chant.  Jules gives Elena a last minute "I was just trying to help Tyler" explanation before Klaus plunges his hand into her chest cavity and rips out her heart.  Jenna looks horrified and then I feel a little bad by how desensitized I've become to the heart-ripping.  Commercials. 

Back at the House of Whispery Witches, Jeremy has made it through the piles and stacks of grimoires that they snagged from Doc Warlock, all the way to Emily Bennet's grimoire which they've had all along.  That's where he's found a spell about resuscitation that involved Johnathan Gilbert somehow.  Jeremy prepares to call Stefan and have him bring over Gilbert's Chronicles of Crazy but before he can call, Alaric comes in to tell Jeremy that they are now tied for the lead in the How Many Girlfriends/Wives Can One Person Lose To Vampirism Race.  Oh, and how that also means Jer's aunt is dead and stuff.  Sad. 


Outside with Elijah and Stefan, Bonnie is pissed that Klaus would just randomly turn Jenna when they have all of these lovely pre-made vampires.  The guys are like "well, you know, mean and crazy. What're ya gonna do?"  Bonnie is ready to go 100 Witches on Klaus's ass to save Jenna but Stefan tells her that he hates that plan and instead he'll try to get Klaus to trade Jenna for Stefan.  No offense to Jenna, but that is my kind of bargaining.  Bonnie blinks. 


Creepatorium.  Smirky Chanting.  Klaus wrings Jules's heart out on the flaming alter of the moonstone.  Jenna and Elena have a heart to heart about how Jenna has really been a shit guardian and how Elena doesn't hold that against her because the alternative (John) was even less appealing.  Elena is sorry she never let Jenna in on the vampy truths sooner and then she gives Jenna some more of the "you have a lot of fancy new powers you can use to fight back" pep talk.  


Over at the Lockwood mansion, Matt is still keeping watch for wolf Tyler and is starting to worry that he killed him.  Caroline says that it takes more than wooden bullets to kill a werewolf.  She's worried but she would rather talk about how sad she is that her mom might want to kill her.  They hear a noise on the porch and Matt readies his gun.  I for one can't wait until Matt comes to terms with the supernatural shit up in this town and either resigns himself to his own human impotence or takes slaying lessons from Alaric because this gun-wielding nonsense is tiresome.  Caroline tells him to chill and goes to the door.  She sees Tyler lying on the porch and demands Matt give her his jacket.  I think that since Tyler is out there naked, we should even shit up a bit and Matt should take off more than his jacket.  But I'm just the kind of person who's overly concerned with fairness.  Caroline goes out and puts Matt's jacket over Tyler's bits.  Tyler is surprised and glad to see Caroline.  


Whispery Witch Acres.  Locator spell cast, they know where Klaus is.  Stefan tells Elijah that he'll head over now and Elijah can bring Bonnie with him when he swoops.  Elijah thinks Stefan is honorable.  Stefan wonders if Elijah is as well and Elijah promises not to fail the gang.  There's some "brothers: can't live with 'em, can't ever find the balls to really kill 'em" talk and Elijah is like, "well, sure but Klaus already killed all the rest of my family that I loved and then he hid their bodies all over the fucking world so I couldn't find them to unkill them.  Plus, ugh, I'm just so sick of his buckets of crazy.  If you want to see honor, just watch me get my revenge on that little bastard."  Except he phrases it in a much more dashing, sexy way.  

John arrives at Whispery Witch Manor with boxes full of the Gilbert Chronicles of Crazy, ready to help them find the spell that he also remembers reading about. Bonnie asks after Damon who is upstairs talking to his BFF.  Alaric is breaking the news to Damon that Stefan is on his way to trade himself in for Jenna.  Damon is pissed because he was partial to the plan where the only casualty of this evening was Bonnie.  He throws a tantrum and punches a wall and is then visibly a lot more hurt than he should be.  Alaric is concerned about the well being of his bestie but Damon lies that he's fine.  Alaric wrinkles his brown and waits for Damon's pants to catch fire.  


Creepatorium.  This ritual involves a LOT of fire so I guess the townsfolk are too busy prepping for this week's big party to notice how the Quarry is lit up like Christmas?  Smirky incants, Klaus is creepily calm.  He suddenly addresses the thin air in the distance and the camera cuts to Stefan watching from an elevated vantage point and requesting a confab with His Nuttiness.  Klaus vamp-speeds to the bluff to chat.  


Whispery Wiccan Willows.  John's giving the background of this spell.  A mother called Emily for help when her baby was sick and dying.  There's a thing with the bonding of a life force and an intact soul that supersedes the vampire blood.  Damon isn't so sure this sounds credible.  John goes all protective-father and basically tells Damon to stow it.  They have a short crazy-eyes-to-thin-lips stare down and the thin lips take it.  


Back to the Creepatorium, Elena gives Jenna a crash course in vampy eaves dropping and eventually Jenna hears Stefan offer to trade himself for Jenna.  Klaus isn't really feeling it.  He likes the "symmetry" of performing his ritual with all women.  When he says "three...goddesses" I swear to God, Joseph Morgan took creepy to a whole new level.  Jenna tells Elena what Stefan's plan is and Elena gapes.  We go to commercial pondering why Elena is the least bit shocked by this development.  


Lockwood House.  Caroline comes into the room where Matt's waiting to say that Tyler is resting in the other room.  Matt's glad that Tyler is ok.  He tells her how great the last few days have been and he looks so hot that I almost can't be mad at him when he's all "but, I can't deal with your supernatural shit when I have bills to pay and school and a mom who disappeared to go wear badass shoes and kill people for a rogue government agency."  Almost.  As soon as I remember how all of his friends, who were already dealing with the supernatural shit, still managed to be there for him when his sister showed up dead and his mom bailed again, I am able to muster some irritation.  He's still ridiculously hot though and I really do think he'll come around eventually.  


Whispery Witch basement.  Bonnie puts some whispery mojo on John and makes to leave with Damon.  Jeremy tries to come but Bonnie kisses him until he passes out.  Hee!  John stays with Jeremy.  Elijah, Damon and Bonnie head out and before Alaric can get through the door to follow, she mystically locks him in.  He's pissed.  Alaric begs Damon to get Bonnie to let him out and Damon's all "sorry, I can't lose anyone else I love today.  You have to stay."  


Elena is pacing around her fiery circle out at the Creepatorium.  She's trying to come up with a plan to save Stefan.  He and Klaus arrive then and Stefan's like "sorry, hon. Best I could come up with on short notice."  Klaus makes like he's going to have her choose but then just stakes Stefan in the shoulder blade and breaks the stake off in his back.  He wants to keep Stefan alive because he has other plans for him.  But he also wants him to stop trying to fuck up the nice ritual so he snaps his neck to shut him up for a few.  Greta then ups the smirking and the incanting.  Jenna is let out of her fiery cage and vamp-speeds over to the alter where she takes a bite out of Greta before Klaus appears behind her and stakes her.  Jenna falls to the ground, still alive.  Elena screams and cries out to her aunt.  She tells Jenna to turn off her emotions so she won't be scared anymore.  Klaus then flips Jenna over and stakes her in the heart.  I was not the least bit attached to Jenna but holy SHIT was this scene moving.  Nina Dobrev was amazing and Sarah Canning really brought it.  Sniffle. 


When we return from commercial, Stefan is trying unsuccessfully to remove the wood from his back while Greta continues to chant smirkily in the background.  He sees that Jenna is dead.  Elena quietly asks Stefan if their friends are going to come kill Klaus.  Stefan says they are.  Elena's like "well ok.  Here we go then."  For a girl who spent almost the entire episode stuck in a ring of fire unable to do anything, she's pretty fucking badass, you know?  Klaus comes over to her and summons her to come with him.  She walks over to the alter, and waits for him to kill her.  "Thank you, Elena" he tells her.  "Go to hell," she replies.  He smirks and then...drains her blood.  Stefan watches while Elena dies.  


The fires go out and Klaus begins to stalk through the Creepatorium cracking and contorting as he starts to change into a wolf.  Greta watches with awe.  Just then, Klaus is flung across the Creepatorium and all the fires reignite.  Bonnie comes stalking in with her own incanting while Damon sneaks up behind Greta and snaps her neck.  I excitedly shout "smirk on THAT, bitch!"  Damon picks up Elena's corpse and goes to his brother.  Bonnie whips a whole bunch of her 100 Witch mojo at Klaus who just writhes on the ground all "NO! You were DEAD! I'd be a wolf right now, if not for you meddling kids!"  Damon pulls the stake out of Stefan's back and asks Damon to get Elena out of there.  Stefan will stay with Bonnie until Klaus is dead.  


Elijah makes his swoop, which on him looks a lot like a stroll, because he is that awesome.  Klaus is a little surprised to see him and Elijah greets him kindly before plunging his hand into Klaus's chest cavity and keeping it there for a while.  Elijah's like "this is for all the members of our family that you killed and dropped in the oceans you annoying, crazy little piss ant," while he squeezes Klaus's heart.  Klaus takes this speechifying moment to announce that he didn't really bury the Original Family at sea.  He just said he did so that no one would look for them and save them.  But he knows where they all are and if his big brother will just let him live, he'll take him right there.  Pinky swear!  


Bonnie and Stefan watch nearby and are having none of this shit.  Stefan begs Elijah not to listen to this hooey but Elijah is torn.  Bonnie threatens to kill them both if Elijah doesn't hold up his end of the bargain.  Elijah reminds her that she'll die and she reminds him that, as she's stated in every episode of the entire season, she doesn't care.  Think, think, think.  Elijah apologizes to Stefan and Bonnie and than vamp-speeds he and his brother on out of there while our heroes just stand there shouting "NO!" into the fire.  

Whispery Witch Estates.  As sunlight streams in through the windows, John is writing a letter while Alaric worries about how long it's taking.  Jeremy asks if John read the whole story about this spell.  John did, so he's well aware of what happened to the mother after the baby came back to life.  He gives Jeremy the letter he just wrote along with his ring, and asks Jeremy to give it to Elena for him.  Alaric is like "what the fuck is going on?  If you don't want that ring anymore, can I please have it back so Damon and I can play Wonder Twins again?"  John asks Jeremy and Alaric sweetly to take care of each other just as they hear the door upstairs open.  Jer and Ric rush upstairs where Damon is carrying Elena's corpse in and promising to stake her himself if she comes back as a vampire so that he doesn't have to live with her hating him for all eternity.  That seems really lovely until you remember that he could have just not fed her blood against her will and would have avoided the possibility of having to kill her altogether.  But I love how even when Damon does the right things, he always does them for the wrong reasons.  He's not going to stake her because she doesn't want to be a vampire, he's going to stake her because he can't bear for her to hate him for all eternity.  Selfish.  


He lays her down on a sofa as Jeremy and Alaric come running in.  Jer asks how Elena is.  Damon doesn't know.  Ric asks after Jenna.  Damon just turns and gives him a sad look and then apologizes to Jeremy.  Behind them, John walks out onto the porch and just as Elena gasps back to life, John collapses to the ground, dead.  


Lockwood house.  Caroline flops down on the couch where Tyler is napping and wakes him up.  He thoughtfully sits up and lets the blanket fall onto his lap so that the gorgeousness of his body can help distract me from how unexpectedly sad I am at the death of Uncle Daddy.  Tyler says he shouldn't have come home and Caroline disagrees saying he shouldn't have ever left and better never leave again.  He's surprised by this.  He's like "but, uh, I keep trying to kill you."  Caroline tells him that no friendship is perfect.  She mentions that Matt dumped her a few hours ago and she suggests that instead of him leaving her too, he thank her taking care of him, saving his life and generally being awesome; apologize for trying to eat her again; and be her friend.  She cries and he comforts her with snuggles under this blanket.  Where he's naked.  Does anyone else feel flushed?  


The brothers Salvatore, dressed in dark suits, chat at the Gilbert house.  Damon notes that he compelled a couple of grave diggers to bury the bodies of the two most recently deceased members of the Gilbert family.  Jeremy finds Elena getting ready in her room.  He's also wearing a dark suit and, pardon my inappropriate timing but this is where I am contractually obligated to remind myself that Steven R. McQueen is nearly 23 years old and it's not illegally pervy of me to have these thoughts.  He gives her the letter and the ring from John.  She tells him that she's sorry that he's lost so many people but he tells her that at least he still has her.  They have a beautiful brother-sister moment and I start crying again.  


Elena sits on her window seat and reads the letter from her biological father.  I'm not going to transcribe it because I'm short on time and long on tears already.  It's incredibly moving though.  He tells her that he's sorry for his prejudices against vampires and that he's leaving the ring for her future child.  While his voice over reads the letter, Elena, Jeremy, Stefan, Alaric, Bonnie and Caroline stand by the graves of John and Jenna.  Elena puts one red rose each on their graves and those of her mother and father.  John's letter tells her that he loves her and he always will.  Alaric lays a rose on Jenna's grave and squeezes Jeremy's arm.  

Damon stands apart from the group, staring into space.  Stefan goes to Damon and asks him to come back to the house with the rest of their friends.  Damon wants to pass, worried about what will happen now that the curse is broken and they've got a werepire on the loose.  He sort of off-handedly mentions to his brother that Tyler bit him and he's dying.  Stefan promises to once again find a fix when there isn't one.  To save his brother.  Damon just wants Stefan not to tell Elena about the wolf bite.  Damon is stoic.  Stefan is stricken.  I can't believe an episode this epic wasn't even the season finale.  See you next week.