June 2, 2008

"Visceral Means Feeling"

Since last I checked in I have watched another 40 episodes of Felicity. “Todd Mulcahy Part 1” through “Kissing Mr. Covington”. A lot has happened…

She lost her virginity, she chose Ben over Noel, she cut off all of her hair, she dropped pre-med and changed her major to art, her parents separated, she broke up with 4 different boyfriends (Noel, Ben, David and Greg) and then got back together with Ben. She finished her freshman and sophomore years at UNY and started her Junior year. She staged a sit-in for the morning after pill and won, then she ran for student body president and lost. She and Ben moved in together and then moved right back out, she turned twenty and thwarted a come-on by Ben’s father. My crush on Ben can not be measured with existing technologies and when he smiles, sometimes I lose consciousness.

There were pregnancies, affairs with professors and married caterers, proposals, marriages, gambling problems, breaking and entering, probation, community service, dirty campaigns, fights, two missing fathers and one dead father, sexy new lab partners, testicular cancer, dancing, drunken mistakes, rage issues, virgins, a British hippie and the worlds most awesome pedestrian vs. bus accident.

Oh the bus! There is no way to say this without sounding downright twisted but here it is – when Todd Mulcahy gets hit by that bus at the end of Part 1, I laugh every time. It’s just so damn funny! “I may be down, by I am by no means out! SPLAT!” Hee hee hee hee HAAA! Maybe if it weren’t coming at the end of one of the funniest episodes of the series (and one of the best episodes of any television show ever) it would be different but as it was, that was just some funny shit!

Right, so anyway, several more guest stars have come through UNY – Kevin Weisman as Earl, Eddie McClintock as Ryan Crane, Keiko Agena as Leila, Adam Rodriguez as Erik the sleazy record guy, Curtis Armstrong as Danny, Ali Landry as Natalie, Simon Rex as Eli the virginity taking artist, Sally Kirkland as Prof. Sherman, Jane Kaczmarek as Julie’s birth mom and her real-life husband Bradley Whitford as her on-screen husband and Julie’s bio-dad, Michael Pena as Burky, Tyra Banks as Jane, Terri Polo as Maggie, Chris Sarandon as Dr. McGrath, Dash Mihok as Lynn, Amy Smart as Ruby, Donald Faison as Tracy, John Ritter as Ben’s dad, and the amazing Amy Aquino as Dr. Toni Pavone – The World’s Greatest Guidance Counselor.

Sean has invented the following things: Lactos (milk-less cereal), a headache curing machine, Smoothaise (a condiment), Freshman Packets, Shream (sugar and cream in one cube), a marshmallow roasting machine, and The Docuventary.

As it stands now, Ben and Felicity are together, Sean and Meghan are together, Elena and Tracy are broken up, Noel is separated from Natalie pending a divorce and is stalking Tyra Banks, Javier is married to Samuel, and Julie is gone. Noel lives in the loft with Ben and Sean, Felicity, Meghan and Elena live with new girl Molly who is just about to get interesting. Ben is recovering from having the shit kicked out of him by some vengeful frat guys and Sean is recovering from having a cancerous testicle removed. Richard is not gay but he is a virgin and he’s getting the funniest lines of season three, to wit:

Sean: What about work? I mean, how are you gonna…how do you keep a job if you’re always running around?
Natalie: I have this theory that money always works itself out.
Richard: Yeah, there’s relativity, and then there’s that one.

Felicity: Can you imagine going to a dinner party and then finding out that everyone there has conspired against you?
Richard: Yes, sadly.

Noel: I met the perfect girl. Her computer is broke and I’m gonna fix it.
Richard: And other great stories.

Honest to God, when I typed that just now, it made me giggle so hard it brought tears to my eyes. Robert Partrick Benedict has perfect deadpan delivery. He should be a much bigger star than he is.

Other great lines over the past 40 episodes include:

Felicity: You probably know this already, I’m sure you do, but our old manager, Javier, actually did employee evaluations already.
Abby: You’re right, I do know that. But remarks like “a real cutie patootie” and “when he makes a mocachino I get all tingly” were hard to quantify.

Ben: Okay, can you please take that thing off your head? ‘Cause I can’t take you seriously with that stupid thing on your head.
Sean: It’s Russian.
Ben: I don’t care what it is, just take it off your head. (Pause.) Look at me for a second. Yeah, put it back on.

Noel: So, we got in a fight last night.
Ben: Yeah.
Noel: Who won?
Ben: I really don’t think it was you.

Ben: Did you buy bug spray?
Felicity: No, just cleaning stuff. That’s not going to kill it!
Ben: It’ll disorient him and then he’s gonna get the shoe. (Crouched on the floor, looking under the TV for the giant bug.) I can hear it breathing.

I’ve still got 2/3 of junior year and all of senior year left before we’re done but with any luck, I should have that watched by the end of this week. I know you’re riveted.

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