I don't want to jinx anything but the back half of The Vampire Diaries' third season has been crazy-good. We're back to that place where a ton of crap happens and while most of it is obviously a set up for something else, none of it feels like we're just biding time (which was how the first half of the season felt to me). But terrific episodes doesn't necessarily mean I'm able to make time to recap them so once again, I've fallen behind and I'm going to need to make this more of a skimming summary than a proper recap. Mea culpa.
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: Stefan took Klaus's Originals Collectible Box Set which made Klaus angry. Tyler had a sire bond to Klaus that was stronger than his love for Caroline.
Presently, in Mystic Falls and parts adjacent:
Tyler feels really bad about that time he almost killed Caroline with wererabies so he's asked her dad for a little aversion therapy and he's invited Caroline to come and watch. Bill informs Tyler that since Klaus's power over him is based on Tyler's overwhelming feelings of gratitude for never having to go through the pain of changing again, what he needs to do to break the sire bond is force himself to change over and over again until he owns the pain and doesn't fear it anymore. So they chain him up and stand around while he screams in agony.
Caroline can't keep watching her boyfriend suffer this way so she calls for a time out and her dad tells her to nut up and shut up. Tyler also asks her to scram. She scrams. Then Bill gets right up in the werepire's face all "get angry you mangy mongrel or I'll kill you!" To which Tyler replies "oh, ok." Then busts out of his chains and attacks Bill. Caesar Millan just sits at home, shaking his head disappointedly.
Bonnie has had some dreams that lead her to believe that her deadbeat mom is the key to opening the locked coffin which they've long suspected contains the "key" to killing Klaus. I mean, the new key; the latest key; the most recent in a string of "last chance" keys to killing Klaus that they find every time the previous key fails to work as promised. Bonnie tells Elena all about the coffins and then the two of them (with the help of the Sheriff and Damon) track down Deadbeat Bennett and go to see her, with Stefan hot on their trail.
Turns out Deadbeat Bennett didn't come back to Mystic Falls to parent her daughter because she was busy parenting the abandoned son of her ex-boyfriend. Deadbeat explains why she left: a long time ago, Mikel came to town looking for a doppelganger and Elena's mom was trying to keep her daughter's supernatural identity on the down low so she asked her BFF to help. Deadbeat did just that but whipping a little mojo at Mikel and magically sealing him in a tomb. That spell used up all the magic she had and left her bereft of mojo so naturally she had to leave town, you know how it is, right? Right? No, me either.
Bonnie's like "you abandoned me, raised another kid as if he was your own and YOU HAVE NO MAGIC? You are such a disappointment!" But Deadbeat insists that just because she doesn't have magic doesn't mean she...can't do magic things. Then she drugs Bonnie with some kind of juju powder. So, real quick, if a witch who lost her powers can whip up effective magic potions, does that mean non-witches can also get in on the potion game? I'm confused about what exactly being a witch entails on this show. Anyway, it turns out that Klaus sent that one hybrid who looks like the love child of a young Jamie Kennedy and a sober Nick Carter over in advance of Bonnie's arrival to compel Deadbeat and her non-son, Jamie, to do some of Klaus's dirty work for him.
Deadbeat takes Bonnie on a road trip and Jamie ties Elena up in the...barn? Well he ties her up and he shoots Stefan full of wooden buckshot. When Deadbeat rendezvous with Nick Kennedy, she explains to Bon that they have to tell where the coffins are or Jamie will have to kill himself. She insists that they do it but slyly texts Bon to tell her to warn the gang.
Elena frees herself from her bindings, knocks Jamie out, and then digs the bits of wood out of her ex-boyfriend's chest. They take this opportunity to catch up. Stefan notices she's kind of badass now and he digs it. She demonstrates that while she's tough and shit, she's still a total girl about relationshipy things and tells him that she kissed his brother. He pouts the pout of a person who REALLY cares about this development. And then walks away, sadly. Hi, Old Stefan! She follows after and he apologizes for some of the crap he's pulled recently. He mentions that she's too good for the brothers Salvatore and takes his leave.
Deadbeat and Bonnie have a nice moment where Deadbeat wants to be forgiven and Bonnie might want to forgive her. I sense tragedy in store.
Meanwhile, Alaric is making sex eyes at Meredith and Damon is concerned that the good doctor might be a vicious killer and he's really protective of his boyfriend so he steps in to try and ascertain whether or not Meredith can be trusted. Damon goes to the hospital where he's all "don't break my boyfriend's heart, crazy doctor lady! He's a delicate flower." They argue and she vervains him and then steals some of his blood.
Damon goes back to Ric's apartment-turned-gym and tells his little muffin man that the new girl is a grade A loony toon. Alaric is disappointed that his taste in women just keeps getting more and more tragic. His hair is super poufy right now, you guys. The hair math clearly shows that he really likes Meredith. Damon's right to worry about Ric, he is a delicate flower.
At the hospital, Meredith injects Damon's pilfered blood into Bill to heal him up after his animal attack which is just cute. Every time a vampire kills someone they call it an animal attack and when an actual (albeit supernatural) animal attack nearly kills a guy, they use vampire blood to make it go away.
Doc Fell tells Ric she isn't nuts and Ric believes her because his hair looks totally fine right now and he just wants to be happy again. He takes Meredith to the Gilbert house to show her all his vamp-killing toys. Kinky. Elena gets home and catches them making out in the living room. His hair looks terrible. Awe. Good for you, Ric!
Tyler stops by the hospital to see Bill. "Sorry for using you like a chew toy," Tyler tells him, but he doesn't feel good about Bill's plan to do it all again tomorrow.
Damon, having gotten the bat signal that Bonnie sent up, is met at The House of Angry Witches by Klaus. Klaus throws a little lip around which the dead witches don't appreciate so they torture him mystically for a minute while Damon enjoys not being on the receiving end of their wrath for once. There are threats and then politenesses and the witches lift the veil of invisibility to reveal just three coffins. Klaus is not happy. Damon explains, "I didn't have much time, but I had just enough to move your mystery box. Neener neener." Ever the romantic, Klaus offers to tear him limb from limb, writhing mass of flesh, blah blah blah. Damon let's Klaus down easy, "you're cute and all, you're just not my type. I like damaged humans like Alaric, and GQ BAMFs like Elijah. Sorry." But he gets right up in Klaus's face for this exchange, just to give him a little thrill so it's not like he's totally heartless.
Stefan gets home and gets the skinny on the fate of the coffins from Damon. Then Stefan clocks his brother hard across the face and Damon's like "oh, yeah, the kissing thing. Fun. But before we get into all of that, I wanted to show you the cute little dagger I brought back from the House of Coffins with me." Stefan's eyes bug a little and this is where I screamed "OMIGOD, ELIJAH!!!"
Klaus and Nick Kennedy are loading the coffins back into his newly refurbished fancy mansion and Klaus is pouting about how much he doesn't like it when things don't go his way.
That's when Elijah stops in to rip Nick's heart out through his back. Klaus appears to wet his pants. I squeal in delight. Fin.