I just wrote up my typically long, opinionated recap of last night's So You Think You Can Dance performance finale and then Blogger ate it. I don't have it in me to do it all again. I might have been able to muster the inner gumption if last night's show hadn't been such a soul-sucking bore, but as it stands I just can't go through it dance, by painful dance again and then format it all and blah blah blah. I'll hit the highlights, and mostly the lowlights and you'll all just have to be happy with that.
Katie Holmes is the worst celebrity guest judge in the history of celebrities guest judging anything, ever. Remember the time Ellen Degeneras came on and was a guest "judge" but all she did was crack "funny" "jokes" and never said anything about the actual dancing? That was a study in insightful judging compared to Katie Holmes. My favorite part was when she told Marko "I loved when you jumped up." As did we all, Katie. As did we all.
After a blissfully disco-free season, they foisted a Doriana Sanchez number on us right out of the gate that was the worst disco they've ever done on the show. Even worse than the one Mollee and Nathan did in Season 6. It was shaky and slow and low-energy and I honestly didn't think Marko was going to make it through some of those lifts. Melanie and Marko have spunk, talent and awesomeness to spare but none of that made its way into their disco.
Sasha and Tadd danced the world's most awkward cha-cha during which she looked like a doe who's just stood up on her unsteady legs for the first time and may tumble back to the ground at any moment while he resembled a full-grown deer...in the headlights.
Tadd and Marko danced something called a "Gumboot Stepping" routine that was the worst addition to the show since the Russian nesting doll routine or whatever the hell that thing was called back in Season 5. Nigel mentioned it on the show last night and then took to Twitter to say he doesn't really know why the show was so disappointing last night but it clearly hadn't occurred to him that the problem might have been that he and his fellow producers popped in some dance styles that were abysmal at best.
The highlights included a phenomenal (in my opinion - Nigel didn't agree) performance from Marko in a Spencer Liff Broadway routine; a terrific contemporary piece from Melanie and all-star Robert; a good (but not, in my opinion, great) jazz number from Sonya Tayeh danced by Sasha and shirtless all-star Mark that once again focused all of its energy on Sasha's "struggles" which I continue to believe are mostly about her sexuality and for that reason I kind of wish they'd stop shining a spotlight on it since she clearly doesn't want to TALK about it; and finally, a really amazing performance by all-star Lauren Froderman with Marko that I know shouldn't have any bearing on anything since she's not competing, but I really thought she was breathtaking.
Tadd will come in fourth which is a very respectable finish for an untrained B-boy.
Sasha will take third place based on the fact that two of her 5 routines last night were really terrible and one of them was completely forgettable.
Marko will be the surprise runner-up in an upset over Sasha, carried up a notch by his interview with Cat, his frequent weeping and the adorableness of his parents.
Melanie will win because she's had the talent all along but also the incredible personality to go with it.
Sorry no videos this week. Blame Blogger. Bastards!