August 3, 2010

Please Pass The Whipped Cream

While it may not be immediately evident in this picture, Ali Larter is pregnant. And in other photos from this very day, her bump was in full view. I think someone needs to be a good friend to Ali and let her know that it is not ok for a 34 year old pregnant woman to wear a dress short enough so as to allow random passersby to provide her with complimentary pelvic exams.

Never mind what would happen if there happened to be a stiff breeze on this day, but what if someone walked by her briskly, or opened a door near her, sneezed? The hem of that dress would have picked itself up off of her pubic bone and that nameless spot in the back where the top of her thigh meets the bottom of her ass cheek, and fluttered skyward just far enough to show everyone on the street (and, thanks to the ever-present paparazzi, the world) her child's escape hatch.

But the length is not the only sartorially offensive thing about this dress. She also needs to provide her offspring's food supply with a little more support. I mean, if not for their own comfort, than surely for the comfort of those of us you don't want to see her side boob on such aggressive display.

And if the inappropriateness isn't enough to change her mind about this number, maybe someone could point out that it's giving the illusion of considerable back fat which no woman in her right mind wants!

If given a choice between Ali walking down the streets of LA wearing this or the whipped cream bikini she sported in that seminal classic, Varsity Blues, I would obviously vote for the bikini even in her current condition because at least that ensemble kept all of her lady business covered.

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