March 30, 2010

Jack? Shit!

I guess I should have put Gossip Girl on notice a long time ago because last night, they stepped it up a bit. There is still some work left to do, and I'm not cancelling my PIP just yet, but it was a vast improvement over the past several weeks, that's for damn sure.

So Elizabeth and Jack tip their hand to Chuck first thing by evicting him from The Empire. Chuck tries to appeal to Elizabeth's motherly instinct but she's insane - that is the only explanation for why she'd be in love with Jack to the extent that she'd do anything for him including dicking over a sad Chuck. Anyway, she and her disorienting accent really are Chuck's mom but she tells him she isn't right after she tells him that she gave Jack a "me or the hotel" ultimatum and he chose the hotel. Then she leaves town but not before Jack tries to entice her to stay by telling her how much money he has now. I can't decide if Desmond Harrington is himself a disgusting human being or if he's just a really good actor but either way, Jack works my gag reflex like a rotted corpse full of maggots. He is that gross.

Gossip Girl herself hits a big bulls eye when she implies that Jack has to steal what other people build because he's to useless to create anything of his own. I can not wait until he's taken down for good. Unfortunately, this week he only person trying to facilitate that was Nate and I think we all know how Nate's scheming works out. When he and Serena attempt to catch him mid-fornication with a couple of prostitutes, he laughs in their faces and leaves the two of them doing what they do best - standing there looking pretty...and dumb.

Before they can tell everyone themselves, Nate spills the beans that Dan and Vanessa are dating. Then Serena points out to V that after 25 minutes of dating, she and Dan are already in a rut. Vanessa dresses up (and looks so cute) while Dan sits there with his stupid haircut being oblivious and annoying. No one cares.

Rufus, still the most inept parent in history, thinks Jenny needs to stop moping around about being dumped so he conspires with Eleanor to get Jenny back into fashion by helping out with some junior line Eleanor is launching. I thought for 1/2 a second that this would be a good development since fashion designer Jenny is a happy Jenny and about the only Jenny that doesn't make me feel homicidal. But you know what isn't fun to watch at all? Jenny and Agnes together. One hateful, bitch of a teenage girl is bad enough, two is absolute torture.

Whatever, Agnes is back, she's pissed at Jenny so she fakes nice, schemes to get the drugs Skeeve left in Jenny's possession that he now wants back. She gets the drugs, hands them out to all the models and this one other seriously bitchy Waldorf minion. Then they drug Jenny and drop her off at a bar with some truly creepy dudes having a bachelor party and looking for someone to rape. Fortunately for Jenny, Nate may not be able to scheme but he's had loads of practice rescuing Little J and has become very good at it. So he swoops in for a rescue and tells her how she needs to be happy - like he is with Serena. Then she gets a call from Eleanor offering her a job and her whole life is good. So now of course she's looking at Nate like he's a delicious turkey dinner she can't wait to sink her teeth into, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

There's also a thing where Blair has no friends and has to hire prostitutes to pretend to be her friends and then confess to her mom that no one likes her and she hates NYU before some minions in waiting from Columbia seek Blair out to worship her and now Blair wants to go to Columbia. Speaking of Columbia, has anyone seen any evidence this season that Nate is actually attending that ivy league school? Didn't think so.

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