September 22, 2009

Beards, Bums, Headbands, Sex and The Talk

The new TV season went into full swing last night and I was able to enjoy a lot of it, but not all. I'm only one person and I do have a day job so I just couldn't squeeze in all five and a half hours worth of Monday shows I've committed to. I will watch the season premiere of House when I get home from work tonight and post my thoughts on that tomorrow.

How I Met Your Mother - Not the funniest episode I've seen but still good. Ted's complete idiocy when it came to teaching was almost uncomfortable to watch but the scene with the economics class was pretty funny. Barney and Robin's mutual denial about their relationship is interesting and will hopefully make for some good stuff to come. Lilly, of course, was right when she said that B and L are the only two who don't know they aren't lying. Nice. Also, Marshall looks totally hot in a tux.

Accidentally on Purpose - So this is Knocked Up the series. Jenna Elfman dated her rich boss for three years and just when she thought he was going to propose, he didn't. So they had the fish or cut bait talk and she decided that since he didn't really want to fish, she was cutting bait. Despite his up-front assertion that he never wanted to get married again, she thought, as a lot of women mistakenly do, that dumping him would make him realize he would rather be married to her than lose her. That didn't happen so she went out drinking and ended up having sex with the unbelievably cute and quite a bit younger Jon Foster. Then she got pregnant. A good bit of contrivance later and Jon moved in with her. Now they're trying to live together platonicly even though they're having a kid together, and he's very sweet and super cute and, by her own admission, very good in bed. Plus, he's a chef. I really don't understand her at all. The show mostly made me want to rewatch Life As We Know It for a bigger dose of Jon Foster - and he's cute enough to keep me watching this since it's the easy way to kill the 1/2 hour between HIMYM and Gossip Girl.

The Big Bang Theory - What you need to know is that the boys are back from the North Pole with no significant scientific discovery to show for it and a story about the night the heat went out. And Penny and Leonard had sex. The foreplay (or pre-sex make-outs in the hall) was pretty hot but post-sex they both mentioned that they now felt weird. I don't know what that's going to do to the group dynamic but I hope they let those two try to work it out because they really are very cute together and it does drive Sheldon pretty entertainingly nuts. All-in-all this was an enjoyable episode.

Gossip Girl - Blair moves into the dorms at NYU thinking that she'll be able to rule the roost at a liberal arts state university the way she did at a sheltered Upper East Side private high school but she fails to take into consideration the fact that no one at NYU knows who she is and even fewer of them give a crap about her one way or another. She can't do anything for them or to them that would make them either revere or fear her and therefore she has no power.

Georgina on the other hand, can assimilate and uses her better understanding of real life to best Blair at her own game when she throws a party that people actually want to attend. This forces Blair to ask for Dan's help to get into the party where she then humiliates G by inviting all her Jesus camp friends to come and try to convert the masses, making everyone think that was G's plan all along and then trying to lure all and sundry into waiting limos and take them all to Monkey Bar. Dan has had just about all he can stand of Blair and so takes this opportunity to flex his new college popularity (he may have been an outcast in the world of UES private schools but at NYU his history of being published in the New Yorker has preceded him and so he's a bmoc) by outing Blair has a manipulative bitch and getting everyone to stay and party with he and Georgina causing Blair to slink away in defeat and shame.

Meanwhile the ruse that Illegitimate Jack (I honestly can't remember that kid's name and I don't like him enough to look it up) has spent the summer cultivating with Vanessa starts falling apart when a new friend of hers outs him as not knowing what the fuck he's talking about with regard to professors at the school he's supposedly been attending for awhile already. But Vanessa is either too smitten with him or the same thing that's making her bitchier is also making her dumber because she doesn't pick up on any of Jack's bizarre behavior. She also decides to give Georgina a second chance but keeps Dan in the dog house.

Speaking of Dan and Georgina - they've reignited the creepy spark that burned between them in the first season when she was just using him to fuck with Serena. You remember? The show strongly implied that the two participated in some kind of sex that was most likely of the oral variety? Yeah, well now they're spending the night together on rooftops, her head resting in his lap (I'm just sayin'!) and then making out. I was nearly struck blind by it myself.

Serena has decided that her crippling and annoying daddy issues are more important than the ivy league so she's blowing off Brown in favor of squatting at Chuck's (what he's calling the Bass Cave to my extreme delight). He lets her because while he's still incapable of calling her "sis" without sounding totally skeevy, it does seem that he has a little bit of protective, brotherly affection for her. So he tells her she can stay but that he'll need her to make herself scarce that evening as he has a business meeting where he'll try to get someone to invest in a restaurant that will secretly have a speakeasy hidden away in a vault. Instead she stumbles through the door in the middle of the meeting, blabs the speakeasy bit to the potential investor who is considerably less than amused, and then acts like the spoiled, self-absorbed, ass she's become when Chuck quite rightly calls her out for being a fucking train wreck.

Serena then pouts her way over to Brooklyn to crash at the Humphrey loft currently occupied only by Dan while the other Humphreys wisely make their home at the far nicer casa van der Woodsen. Dan encourages her to talk to Rufus and tell him why she doesn't want to go to Brown and ask for his help in letting Lilly know. But she's too late because when she arrives Chuck has just finished having a heart to heart, that I deeply wish we'd been witness to, with Rufus. It seems Chuck is more than a little concerned by Serena's recent behavior and her drunken tirade the previous night has driven him to let Rufus know that S may need some kind of parental-adjacent intervention. But Rufus acts a little too parental and Serena thinks Chuck has simply busted her to get back at her for ruining his meeting so rather than trying to talk to Rufus she gets defensive and mean and hurls emasculating insults at him before storming out and booty calling Carter Bazin.

She then uses Carter to ruin yet another of Chuck's investor meetings but by then Chuck has had enough of her shit and tells her that he was really just concerned for her because in case she hadn't noticed, she is in a downward spiral of total obnoxiousness. And she's almost shamed by that but then Carter tells her that he's sick of her toying with him and using him and generally acting like a selfish whore despite knowing he has pretty serious feelings for her, so she can take her daddy issues and shove them right up her perfect little ass. Then she realizes that she really has gone 'round the bend and in the end gets Rufus to help her tell her mom that she'll not be attending Brown this year...or ever really but they'll cross that bridge when they get to it next season.

No Lilly, no Jenny and no Eric. But Kristen Bell's voice overs were off-the-charts good last night so that's something.

One Tree Hill - Well holy crap!

Rachel spent a season or so throwing herself at Lucas before then having age-inappropriate sex with Deb's brother/Nathan's uncle, Cooper, and shortly after he left she began aggressively trying to get Nathan to sleep with her while he was married and expecting a child with Haley. Then she wasn't around because when the show lept forward 4 years her character's arc had taken her into modeling and an eventual addiction to heroin (which Brooke's former alcholoic boyfriend from season five spent an episode helping her realize she needed to get help for). Now, it turns out, she's MARRIED TO DAN!

I mean, by the looks of it, she's really using him to make herself a boat-load of money, not harbouring any deep feelings of love for him, though if in fact Dan is capable of having human feelings post-transplant, then it seems he is in love with her. But no matter what the truth of their marriage is, the two of them totally kissed and my gag reflex was thus put to the ultimate test.

Elsewhere in Tree Hill Clay is trying to get the situation with Nathan's blackmailer under control while Nathan swears up and down he didn't sleep with anyone who isn't his wife. I for one believe him but it turns out that the photo she's using to blackmail him is actually an ultrasound image of her 3-month-old fetus. I say that proves nothing and I couldn't care less that she has a story about what night it happened. If that bun was put in her oven on the night of the party in question I assert that it was probably put there by Clay, not by Nathan because I don't give a shit how drunk Nathan was, he wouldn't cheat on Haley and if he'd dipped his wick in someone else's wax he'd certainly have suspected something was amiss when he woke up at his agent's house without his pants on!

Haley saves Red Bedroom from the mean British lady with the help of a spunky little Mia. She also hounds Quinn into admitting that the problem with her marriage is mostly just that Robert changed with age and she is exactly the same as she's always been so they just aren't as compatible as they once were. What I like about that is that it's pretty honest and there is no bad guy. What I don't like is the melodrama of it. Quinn is so depressed about it and while I can certainly see where the dissolution of marriage can be tough to take, if you've made the decision and you believe it's for the best, maybe you shouldn't spend all your time crying about it. Maybe you should be sad but also move on with your life. Otherwise I question whether you really believe it's for the best and therefore I'm not so sure it's the right decision. You know?

Milly hires an incredibly stupid and bitchy actress (who by the way, doesn't seem remotely talented to me but whatever) to be the new face of COB. The little skank calls Brooke fat and doesn't understand the concept of a double entandre so for at least those two reasons (but really a whole bunch more) I hate her.

And finally, Julian's mean dad comes to town to tell him he's making a big mistake putting his career behind his own happiness when said happiness comes with a slut like Brooke. He actually tells Julian she's a slut. Ain't he a charmer? Anyway, Julian tells him to buzz off and tells Brooke how there was only one day in his whole life that he felt like his dad loved him and if anyone can understand that it's Victoria Davis's daughter, you know? So she tells the dad that he's a fucking asshole with which he does not disagree and when Sophia Bush says his name - Paul - her delivery is so awesome I totally watched it three times. Anyway, she tells him that his behavior with Julian up until now has been unacceptable and he better fix it. So Paul admits to Julian that he doesn't even remember the best day the two of them ever had together and that's how he knows he's a miserable failure as a human being so Julian should never ever do anything that Paul tells him.

Also, every single male cast member spends time in some state of undress and it is a joy to behold.

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