May 5, 2009

"You can tell Jesus that the bitch is back."

The single greatest episode of Gossip Girl so far.

Serena enlists the help of Blair and Chuck, who themselves enlist the help of Nate (or, rather, he just insists on tagging along to push the Chuck issue and be all pragmatic: "are you sure you like this plan better than just, you know, calling the police?") and Georgina, to bring down Gabriel and Poppy and get the stolen investment money back. The plan is exactly as awesome as you would expect considering who hatched it. And it would have worked were it not for the unbelievably big mouth of Dan Humphrey.

He fucks everything up.

So he tells Lily that G & P stole everyone's money and Lily gets pissed at Serena and then decides that keeping her own personal embarrassment to a minimum is paramount, so she pays everyone back out of her pocket and tells them the investment didn't work out. Except for Rufus that is, who she decides to trick into thinking the investment is real by sending him dividends every month for the rest of their lives.

That revelation really kills the mood when it's discovered by Rufus 10 seconds before he's planning to pop the question to Lily too. Yowza! Needless to say, this season won't be ending in a wedding like last season did.

Meanwhile, Blair tries to de-Jesus Georgina which almost doesn't work because, even though I thought that the holy roller thing was an act Georgina was employing as a means of working some scheme on our favorite UESers, it turns out she totally was all about the Lord. Right up until Lily had Serena arrested which allowed Poppy to escape with G's bible money and then a bitter Blair unleashed a venomous tirade on a devastated Georgina, causing G to re-evaluate her priorities. That's when my girl G said the one line that made every ounce of eyeliner and man-killing drama she brought down on us last year totally worth it. "You can tell Jesus that the bitch is back." Oh HELL yes!

In other news Blair put off committing to Nate until she found out for sure from Chuck if he loved her or not. Nate wanted to know the same thing so both of them confronted Chuck - though not at the same time. Nate just told him to make up his mind and basically told him that if Chuck (wearing head-to-tow purple which probably made his dear ol' dad roll in his grave, btw) really wanted her, he'd back off even though he really wants her too. Chivalrous, I guess.

Blaire gave a speech that was so good I've got goose bumps even thinking about it. She asked him to tell her once and for all if he loved her or if this was just a game. He confessed to the latter which Serena heard. Blair took her leave and S asked Chuck WTF was up with that bogus answer. Chuck told her he said it because he loves her but he can't make her happy so he had to let her go. Then I cried, hit rewind and watched that scene another three times.

So. Damn. AWESOME!

Oh yeah, and Eric returned with yet another new hair do and was looking smashing.

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