Monday, Monday

So good to me!

Chuck Bass totally said "please" for possibly the first time in his entire life. As if that weren't awesome enough, he said it to DAN HUMPHREY! Dan's attempt to be devious didn't work and after the vaguely genius (and not terribly surprising) revelation that Bart Bass killed someone in an insurance-scam arson in the '80s, what manages to finally salvage the grotesquely dysfunctional and sad relationship between Basses Senior and Junior is DAN HUMPHREY! I'm as shocked as you are!

It was also Blair's birthday again and her parade is being rained on by the decidedly un-Cary Grant personage of Wallace Shawn whom Eleanor (and the rest of the known universe) has fallen hopelessly in love with. Blair tries to hate him and sabotage his relationship but she ends up falling for him too because he's just that fantastic. Unfortunately Eleanor is such an awful bitch of a mother that she can un-do the spell that Wallace Shawn's fantasticness has put on Blair who ends up accidentally-on-purpose destroying him anyway. But then he sends the indescribably FABULOUS Cindy Lauper to Blair's party and she chases after him only to realize that he played her like a cheap fiddle and then she totally loves him even more. At least until the new co-habitation at the Waldorf Manse drives her to deviousness once more.

In other GG happenings, Serena totally bugged me for the first time in show history when she mooned over pretentious artist Aaron and his enormous scarf collection. And the Agnes/Jenny friendship imploded when Jenny realized that hitching your wagon to a party girl model who has no responsibilities of her own and no known adult supervision is probably not the wisest move if you're really serious about becoming a successful designer. Also, Agnes burned all of Jenny's dresses in a barrel on the street. Having never heard the saying "you catch more flies with honey" and being an ignorant, bratty teenager, her attempt to come back to the ol' homestead when Agnes gave her the boot went something like this:

Rufus: You're back?

Sourface Jenny: Only if you sign this contract for me to be a fashion designer.

Rufus: You're blackmailing me to let you live at home?

Sourface Jenny: If that's what you want to call it.

Rufus: I'm not going to reward your bad behavior.

BITCHface Jenny: Fine. FUCK YOU! I HATE EVERYONE! Can't you see from the 300 metric tons of black eyeliner I'm wearing that I'm serious about this and nothing - NOTHING - is going to stand in my way?

I'm paraphrasing.

She stomps out and cries over all of her worldly possessions on the filthy streets of Brooklyn for a while, then sleeps at the Gallery because she may think she's hardcore and independent, but she still has to rely on her dad to put a roof over her head whether he knows it or not. Her new plan is to become emancipated. Because, you know, it's not like you have to prove you have a place to live and a means of supporting yourself and continuing to get a government mandated basic education in order to get a judge to sign off on THAT!

Next week Nate is back...and so is the Captain! DRAMA! I know he was only gone one week, but boy I missed Nate and his cute little face...