November 18, 2008

The Magnificent Archibalds

This just in, without a metric ton of black eyeliner, Jenny Humphrey is actually cute! I know, I was as shocked as you were.

I know you can't really see her eyes in either picture,
but trust me, hardly any eyeliner and she looks great!

So last night, the UES was in it's typical upheaval when Serena and her obnoxiously superior artist beau decided to be exclusive and then he laid it on her that he is sober and needs to be with someone super straight-laced in order to stay that way. So she lied and said her partying days were long in the past because if there is one thing Serena is good at, it's pretending to be something she isn't to please a smug bastard. Naturally everyone in Manhattan let it slip in one form or another that Serena is a drunken slut so...awkward.

Blaire's storyline was even less riveting than Serena's, if you can imagine that. She continued the tradition of putting too much emphasis on the wrong things at Thanksgiving, then kidnapped Darota and whined a lot. Eventually Serena helped Eleanor track Blaire down and it turned out the surprise that Eleanor was planning to spring on her wasn't her sudden engagement to her elfin boyfriend, but rather Blair's fabulously gay father and his cross-Atlantic pumpkin pie. Oh, but Eleanor is still totally engaged to Wallace Shawn, and I for one think it's awesome.

When Blair was found she was smack in the middle of comforting a weepy Jenny, whose conscience finally kicked in and made her realize she's been a total bitch to her (poor, inept) dad, and had once again run away. In the end Eleanor and Blair made her go back to the loft and make up with Rufus and wash all that eyeliner off of her face. The Waldorf women rock!
Eric continues to be the best person on the show by hiding Jenny at the Bass abode, busting Bart (with Chuck's help, of course) on his habit of spying on his family members, and Lilly for once making her own trip to the looney bin but never mentioning that to him during his time at the Ostroff Center for Gay Boys in Denial and Television Writers Sucking Up To Their Bosses. And, you know, just being Eric.

Meanwhile The Captain came back with a plan to whisk Nate and his mother off to the Caribbean so that he might then ransom their asses for enough dough from his in-laws to live comfortably without his family, in perpetuity. Fortunately for Nate, the newly-minted and unstoppable team of Abrams and Bass stepped in with the FBI to prove that being a good friend to someone means that sometimes you have to help them get their father arrested. Chace Crawford acted his tantalizing ass off in the episode you guys.

Anyway, there was a lovely moment where Vanessa and Nate discussed going out again and then she left and on her way, she sweetly touched Chuck's arm in a gesture of friendship and solidarity that out awesomed everything she's ever done before put together, but then she ruined it by stealing and reading Jenny's mail (a card from Nate noting how much he likes her but how they can clearly never be together on account of her brother wants him dead or whatever). That's a federal offense Vanessa, you nosey bitch!

For the second Thanksgiving in a row, the van der Woodsens (sans Serena) and the Humphreys celebrated the family holiday together because in a twisted way, they totally are each other's family.

On a side note - what in the heavenly HELL did Blake Lively do to the wardrobe mistress to deserve this?

Ok, so the next new ep is in two weeks and there's a ball and Chuck wears his sequined dinner jacket and also maybe, probably has sex with Blair...
and someone (SPOILER: it's totally Bart!) dies which means in three weeks Chuck gets very, very sad:

and then this happens:

What I get out of those pictures is this - while attending the funeral of one Mr. Bart Bass, Chuck and Serena throw down, then Chuck and Dan throw down, then Chuck and Blair storm off together and she comforts him like...a girlfriend?
Best. Show. Ever!

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