September 3, 2008

The Hamptons Have Never Been Hotter

What the return of OTH lacked in awesomeness, Gossip Girl MORE than made up for.

Serena and Nate have been pretending to be dating all summer so that no one bugs her about failing to move on from the devastation of her breakup with Dan and he can nail a married Madchen Amick.

Jenny abruptly became a saint while interning for Eleanor and being routinely verbally abused by Eleanor's awful assistant obviously, because she just smiles and takes it like a total trouper. Being out has made Eric much more bitchy which is fab, but he still manages to make up with Jenny (even though she totally doesn't deserve it) and then take her to a super exclusive party and help her stuff it in the face of the awful assistant.

Rufus is on tour. Vanessa wasn't around but through exposition I know that she's upset by Dan's whoring but not Nate's which makes no sense because it was Nate she actually dated and I really thought we were passed this Dan and Venessa nonsense but apparently not. I gather that Lily and Bart are still on their honeymoon because neither was anywhere in sight and no one mentioned them.

Dan has been whoring around Manhattan with literati groupies while he avoids writing a short story about why he broke up with Serena - apparently that decision made as much sense to him as it did to the rest of us. Grandma CeCe's (possibly fake) cancer has suddenly made her sweet as pie so she has Dan accompany her to the fancy White party to help get him back together with Serena. When both Dan and CeCe accidentally see Serena and Nate making out in an effort to make married Madchen Amick jealous, both make faces so awesome I almost choked. Anyway, Dan does the usual holier than thou routine then promptly gets his hyporcite ass served to him by two of the literati groupies he'd played for fools over the summer. Rather than giving him the hard slap of the righteously indignant, Serena decides this is as good a time as any to take him back. I think she was thrown off her game by the hotness of him in a wife beater and for that I can not entirely blame her.

Blair returns from her summer in Europe with a fake boyfriend trying to make Chuck jealous. It works like a charm but methinks she didn't have to try so hard because Chuck spent his summer trying to forget how much he loves Blair by having sex with unattractive dumb girls and the second he hears Queen B is headed back to town the color comes back into his delicious cheeks. They snipe and bicker and connive and scheme and it is like the hottest foreplay ever until Blair finds out that her dull fake boyfriend is really a dull faker who's really a dull British Lord and that turns her fake interest real in a hurry. Still, she's willing to leave Lord Dull if Chuck will just tell her he loves her in a scene that was so hot it caught my TV on fire, but alas Chuck fails and is left standing alone with only his scotch to keep him company.

Oh yeah...and tune in next week when it turns out that Madchen Amick is Lord Dull's (step?) mother. That's right kids, Blair's ex boyfriend is bedding her new boyfriend's mom.

Holy CRAP I love this show!!!!

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