September 11, 2011

Special K - The Breakfast of Champions

After not having a chance to recap the second season finale of The Vampire Diaries back in May, it seemed just as appropriate to wait until the week before the new season as a way of refreshing our memories before all the shit once again hits the fan.  

Previously: Klaus performed his ritual - which included killing Jules, Aunt Jenna, and Elena - and brought out his inner wolf.  Elijah was just about to kill him but then Klaus was all "if you let me live I'll show you where I hid the bodies of our brothers and sisters and parents and then totally double cross you and kill you."  Elijah is usually so smart but apparently he has a previously undiagnosed condition that renders him really super deaf to the incredibly loud subtext that comes out of his brother's mouth.  I guess it's true - nobody's perfect.  So Elijah and Klaus zipped off into the night leaving Team Awesome to clean up the carnage in the woods.  Their first order of business was to bring Elena back to Witch Manor where she came back to life and John died (magic!). They buried the rest of Elena's parental figures while we all cried.  Then Damon hipped Stefan to the love bite he got from Tyler and Stefan furrowed his pretty, pretty brow.  

Presently, Elena watches Jeremy sleep.  Jeremy sleeps in a wife beater with one arm up, the better for the audience to appreciate his biceps.  Elena moves across the hall to look around Jenna's room sadly and then runs into Damon in the hall.  He's there to beg for her forgiveness for the whole forcing her to drink blood thing.  She needs a lot of time which he pretends to think is fine even though he'll be dead later today.  Sad. 

Damon goes home and pours himself a glass of the the good stuff while Ingrid Michaelson ratchets up the melancholy on the soundtrack.  He takes a look at his arm's increasing infection and opens the heavy curtains in the sitting room.  As the sunlight streams into the room, he stands in front of the window, removes his ring, and waits to burst into flames.  Just then, Stefan tackles him to the ground and then throws him into the ever more useful Salvatore dungeon while he vows to find some way to keep Damon from dying.  

Out in the woods, Klaus wakes up covered in dirt smudges and nothing else.  Elijah tosses him a pair of pants and tells him that he was a wolf for about 2 days.  Klaus is like "it's nice not to be bound by all those pesky rules of either werewolfism or vampirism. Yay me!" Elijah lets Klaus know he's been cleaning up the mess of bodies Special K left in his wake and Klaus reminds us that he is not afflicted with his brother's impeccable manners as he doesn't even bother to say thank you.  Elijah helps Klaus on with his coat and then they discuss the family reunion that Elijah was promised.  Klaus is in no rush to fulfill that promise.  I know, you're SHOCKED. 

Mystic Grill.  Alaric is stealing a bottle of liquor from the bartender using only the power of his sad face when Stefan calls.  Stefan needs Ric's help but Ric is all "sadness, self pity, anger, alcoholism, self pity, dead girlfriend." Stefan knows the way to Alaric's heart so he doesn't waste time with a pep talk. "Damon's dying," he says.  Alaric is like "OMG, not my BFF! What can I do?" 

Mystic Falls never misses a chance to celebrate a day that ends in Y and today's shindig is Gone With The Wind in the park, which Elena is trying to convince Jeremy to enjoy with her.  She's having no luck until Caroline arrives with a picnic and persuades him to go along with it by being awesome.  Caroline is a superhero.  Her cape is made of awesome.  

Return to Witch Manor.  Stefan and Bonnie are asking the dead witches to help heal Damon.  Emily takes over Bonnie's body and is like "girl, PLEASE!" I for one think it was pretty classy of her not to laugh in his face.  Emily vacates and leaves Bonnie with this: Klaus.  Of fucking course. 

Mrs. Interim Mayor stops into the Sheriff's office to get an update on the vamp "situation" and level threats about what might happen if it isn't brought under control with a quickness.  

Park. Stefan briefs Elena on Damon's arm hickey.  Stefan is determined to find the cure as a way of apologizing for forcing Damon to become a vamp in 1864.  

Speaking of 1864 - Damon is currently having one of those fun hallucinations that comes with a werewolf nibble.  Katherine is throwing herself at him just before he heads off to war when Elena comes in and tells him he should have said no to her.  I wonder what vampires who don't know Katherine or Elena hallucinate about when they've been werekibble.  Alternate endings to Lost maybe?  

Stefan stops in to Alaric's apartment where Katherine is still compelled to remain.  She's in a snit because Klaus isn't dead so she's still stuck inside all by herself and you know how sad it makes her not to be able to rub up against anyone.  Stefan wants to find Klaus who arrives just then with Elijah.  Stefan mentions that he needs Special K's help for Damon but Klaus is less than concerned and mentions that he's in the middle of helping his own brother now and he has a strict One Brother At A Time policy.  Elijah remains the most well mannered vampire ever so he crosses right to Stefan to explain his earlier double-cross.  It's all about the importance of family.  Klaus likes to put a button on moments like these so this is when he chooses to run his brother through with the dagger and ash and make noises about reuniting the family.  I've seen Elijah die 4 times now, and this one has clearly pissed him off the most.  

Upon returning from the commercial, Special K is poking holes in Stefan's delicious torso with pointy wooden sticks.  Stefan promises to do whatever Klaus wants if he'll just fork over the werenibbles cure.  Klaus sips on some blood and tells Stefan that, in his present condition, he's fairly useless.  

Salvatore Dungeon.  Alaric has come to visit his BFF.  He's brought liquor and Damon's ring with him.  Damon is a complicated fellow and he finds it hard to be liked during his darkest times so he tries to make sure Ric hates him by being all "Jenna's death was my fault and, hey, 'member that time I killed your wife?" He makes his way over to the window and grabs Ric by the throat, begging him "kill me.  Please."  Ric is not falling for Damon's ruse, he knows their love is real and he won't be fooled into killing his brofriend.  He stabs Damon in the arm and watches him crumble to the floor asking for Elena.  "Elena's not here, Damon."  

Actually, Elena is arriving at that very moment but she's snagged by Sheriff Forbes.  Damon asks for blood and Alaric goes to get him a bag from the fridge.  The Sheriff locks Alaric in the fridge room, against his protests, then she and a deputy go to get Damon but he knocks them out with the dungeon door wide open.  Liz fucks EVERYTHING up.  

Gone With The Wind in the park.  Alaric calls Jeremy's phone and Caroline uses her super hearing to listen in.  Damon got loose, is looking for Elena and the cops are after him.  He's hallucinating and in bad shape.  Bonnie wants Jeremy to let the women folk take care of this crisis while he sits down and doesn't worry his pretty little head about it.  Jeremy is like "stop acting like only people with super powers can do stuff in this town! Your super powers didn't keep my aunt alive anyway!" See girls, Jeremy isn't just a pretty face, he can make a convincingly righteous speech too.

Alaric's apartment, squatters' rights.  Special K is telling Stefan how much he liked the stories about Stefan's days as "a true Rippah."  That's the sort of talent he's looking for.  He bites Katherine's arm and she panics her ass off because no one looks forward to death by werenibbles.  Then Klaus feeds her his blood and her nibble goes away.  His blood is the cure.  Dun dun dun! 

Gone With The Wind in the park.  Damon is wandering around, wild-eyed, pale, sweaty, and breathing heavily.  He is not his best self.  He hallucinates Katherine before running into Jeremy who tries to help Damon by getting him out of the park, into the grill and calling someone for help.  The Sheriff arrives and takes aim and fires at Damon who dodges the bullet which then hits Jeremy right in the heart.  He collapses to the floor and Liz calls for help just as Caroline and Bonnie arrive.  Caroline thinks he'll be ok because of the ring but Bonnie reminds her that Liz is human so the ring won't work.  Caroline bites her wrist and tries to feed Jeremy her blood but he won't drink.  

After the commercial, all three women kneel over Jeremy's dead body on the floor of The Grill, crying.  Alaric walks in and sees what's happening.  Bonnie orders Alaric to pick Jeremy up and come with her.  The Sheriff protests, Caroline tells her to shut up and let them go.  

Meanwhile, Elena is busy busting out of the Sheriff's office where she's been locked up.  If you're keeping track, these are two more situations to add to the list of things Liz has ruined. She's a ruiner.  

Alaric's House of Squatters.  Klaus has just finished dripping some of his blood into a handy bottle and is daydreaming aloud about leaving town with Stefan The Ripper as his wing man.  Stefan insists he isn't like that anymore and Klaus begins to pour the blood down the drain.  Stefan stops him.  At Special K's request, he polishes off a blood bag.  "You do everything I say, and I save your brother.  That's the deal," Klaus tells him.  Klaus scares me.  One bag down, Klaus tosses him another, smirking the smirk of the clinically cuckoo all the while.  

House of the Witchy Woo Woo.  Alaric lays Jeremy out on the floor while Bonnie tells him that there is a spell that will bring him back, if only the dead witches will allow her to use their power to perform it.  She holds his head and chants.  The witches decline.  They don't appreciate how often she asks them for shit.  They inform her that there will be consequences for this sort of thing.  Alaric shouts, "well he's just a kid, tell 'em to shut up!"  I like when Alaric gets snippy.  Bonnie chants, the room shakes, the candles shoot flames, Alaric looks around, Bonnie bleeds from the nose, the witches whisper creepy shit, Bonnie cries and begs for Emily to help her.  Alaric looks defeated.  Bonnie strokes Jeremy's hair and tells Emily that she loves him.  The wind whips through and blows the candles out as the shaking stops.  Bonnie sobs. Alaric begins to cry.  Jeremy wakes up.  Alaric looks like he might vomit, Bonnie thanks Emily.  

Atlanta is burning in the park.  Elena finds Damon who has never looked grosser.  He's hallucinating a sexy game of 1864 tag in the woods with Katherine where he is schmoopily asking her to feed him her blood.  In the present day, he's calling Elena Katherine and drinking her blood while she begs him to stop.  He pulls away, realizing what he's done, and falls to the ground.  She holds him and her neck and looks around for help.  

The Grill.  Caroline hangs up with Bonnie and tells her mother that Jeremy is alive.  Both women cry with relief.  "I thought I killed him," Liz says.  Caroline confirms that she did.  "I explained it to you once but...I had to make you forget because I was so scared of what you might do," Caroline confesses.  She says she doesn't want to lie this time.  She isn't going to be afraid of her mom and she doesn't want her mom to be afraid of her anymore either.  She hugs Liz and tells her she's still her little girl.  Liz cries and finally hugs back.  I will not be as quick to forgive her because there are still so many things she could ruin.  But I am reminded of the time the Roswell aliens finally let Sheriff Valenti in on their secret and that worked out really well so I guess I'll be cautiously optimistic about this development.  

Back at the Gilbert abode, Jeremy is curled up in bed with his best friend, Bing. You know how much he likes those on the nose searches.  Currently he's asking the internet what it can tell him about being "back from the dead."  Fortunately, before we are treated to a bunch of lame answers, Bonnie Skypes her boyfriend.  He tells her that he feels different and weird.  She says "you can thank me tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that. Hee hee hee."  She's being very "I love my boyfriend" cutesy right now but he's working a more "I'm ridiculously hot and also smoldering and serious" vibe.  It's a valid choice.  

Alaric stops by Jer's room just then to check on him before heading back home to...share a bed with Klaus?  What is his plan here?  If that's it, I'm both intrigued and saddened because I know that would break Damon's heart.  Jeremy says he's fine and then Alaric remembers that there are two evil vampires cooling their heels at his place so he asks if he can stay there tonight.  I think by "tonight" he means "until you go to college" and the answer is yes either way.  They do a little thing where Jeremy thanks him and then Alaric teases him about Bonnie's "and the day after that and the day after that" bit.  Jeremy throws a shoe at Alaric.  They both smile and I start to feel all warm and tingly inside.  

Elena has managed to get Damon home and in bed where he is exhibiting a clamminess that can only be described as icky.  He winces and writhes and groans.  She climbs into bed and holds him, telling him it's ok.  He takes these final moments of his life to confess that he really fucked up by loving Katherine and being a dick.  He asks her to apologize to Stefan for him.  

Speaking of Stefan, he's hip deep in empty blood bags right now.  Klaus's influence is going to be murder on Stefan's girlish figure.  Stefan and Special K make a deal - Stefan will join Klaus's band when they take the show on the road, and Klaus will give Katherine the cure so she can take it to Damon and make him all better.  Stefan worries that Katherine will never take it to him.  

Damon lies in bed telling Elena that he deserves to die.  She disagrees.  He loves her, she forgives him.  She snuggles up to him and cries.  She tells him she likes him just the way he is and then kisses him.  He is too weak to kiss back but he thanks her.  That's when Katherine arrives with the cure.  She feeds it to Damon because, as she says, she owed him one.  Elena asks after Stefan and Katherine tells her that he's playing on Team Klaus now as payment for curing Damon.  On her way out, she tells Elena that it's ok to love both brothers because she did.  She tosses Elena what's left of the Special K blood, and bails.  Damon sits up in bed and looks worried.  

In a warehouse somewhere, Klaus speechifies to Elijah's dagger-ridden corpse in a casket before packing him up in a giant crate with the rest of their family.  Stefan gets a text from Elena that Damon is ok and asking after his whereabouts.  Klaus exposits that he knew Katherine was on vervain and then mentions that the two of them will track her down.  Klaus makes Stefan eat a scared girl and then they're off to go wreak havoc on the third season.  

Gilbert Abode.  Jeremy is sleeping when he hears something mysterious and gets up to investigate.  He wanders the house calling for Alaric.  We see Vicki follow him down the stairs.  In the kitchen, he comes face to face with Anna.  He looks back and sees Vicki.  If there's one thing we learned from Buffy, it's that people who come back from the dead, sometimes bring all kinds of scary shit with them.  DUN! 

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