It's the Golden Globes so obviously the most important thing is not who won (with nominations that stupid do the winners even matter?) but what everyone looked like so that's what we'll talk about.
There were definitely a few big trends that every stylist in Hollywood was peddling to their clients with varying degrees of success.
Green With Envy
Mila Kunis, whose wardrobe had been fairly monochromatically thematic since the release of Black Swan...
Catherine Zeta Jones with a touch of Old Hollywood Glamour about her...
Elizabeth Moss in her "I'm newly single" ensemble...
Angelina Jolie with an all-too-familiar style that benefits greatly from the unexpectedly delicious color...
The ladies in green were winners across the board.
The Carpet Matches The Dress
Christina Hendricks may have been trying to draw attention away from her breasts to give them a break from getting all the attention. That's really the only way to explain the worlds largest shoulder ruffle. I've tried very hard and I can think of no explanation for what is happening with her hair.
January Jones has an enviable body but, it's been suggested, that she may have no personality whatsoever to go alone with it. So I guess this atrocious concoction is her way of accentuating the positive?
Sophia Vergara came as a Latin Jessica Rabbit and pulled it off. She wins in the red category by a landslide.
Leighton Meester might have come right from the set of a new movie where she's playing a Mormon fundamentalist. That's the only explanation I can offer for this overly modest, boring dress.
Michelle Williams continues to look so gorgeous with a pixie haircut that I have to FORCE myself not to run out and get one just like it. Sadly, I don't have to force myself not to buy her dress because it's much too twee for my taste.
Dianna Agron looked stunning in an incredibly simple dress with spare but very sparkly accessories and hair and makeup appropriately gorgeous for the occasion.
Sandra Bullock's dress was droopy which you probably didn't notice because how could you see anything past her thousand pound bangs? Even if those are for a role, they are not ok.
Kaley Cuoco's tiered organza number was complimented perfectly by sparse jewelry and simple and pretty hair and makeup.
Anne Hathaway's dress fit her like a glove and in the shots from the side where you could see that it was backless, her figure looked absolutely amazing, but between the enormous shoulders and the extreme shininess, it came off looking kind of cheap which is not what you want from your couture.
I couldn't find a single picture of Emma Stone looking good in her dress but on the telecast, it came off much more attractive than in the photos. Unfortunately the photos are what last so I'd advise her against such a washed-out color in an over-simple style while she's a blonde. It's just too much of not enough all at once.
Sarah Hyland may have worn my favorite dress in the nude/beige family. The slightly darker shade along with the bronze detail on the bodice and her gorgeous jewels were terif. Too bad she was one of the many women sabotaged by the Too Much Bang Fairy.
I'm not so sure Julie Bowen's dress belongs in this color category because it's kind of on the grey side but it's got a bit of a beige thing happening too so I'm lumping it in. Either way, she comes out ahead because while her Aunt Gwenness never goes away for me, this is the best I ever remember seeing her look. She's wearing the hell out of that dress and her hair and makeup are the perfect compliment.
Scarlett Johansson made her first major public appearance since the dissolution of her marriage to People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive at this event. An she did it in a drippy, drapey boring number with hair straight out of The Bride Of Frankenstein. Divorce isn't a competition but...she lost.
Looking Good Is The Best Revenge
I hope Eva Longoria pulled ScarJo aside at some point and gave her tips on how to work it after announcing your divorce. THIS is what I'm talkin' about!
This Old Thing? I Just Threw It Together
Jennifer Love Hewitt starches her sheets.
Julianne Moore does not iron her fuscia, satin sheets...not even before stringing them through a necklace and wearing them out in public.
Heidi Klum wore her beach cover-up and every bracelet she owns.
Pretty In Pink?
Not for Juliana Margulies who I assume didn't intend to look slumped, sagged, stumpy and old.
Lea Michelle looked pretty because Lea Michelle always looks pretty but I feel like I saw Cameron Diaz wear this exact dress a few years back and I think Cammy's height helped her pull it off a little better than teeny, tiny Lea.
Claire Danes was a vision in her simple pink sheath that could not have fit her more perfectly. And again, she matched her hair and makeup to the dress and the occasion perfectly. This look was made of win.
I kept thinking I should hate something about Natalie Portman's dress with it's enormous red rose on the bust but then she just kept looking so comfortable and beautiful that I couldn't stop loving it. Pregnancy and happiness agree with this one.
The Other Best And Worst Bits
I think every girl would like to dress princessy from time to time but just because we want to, doesn't mean we should. I'm looking at you, Olivia Wilde.
Jayma Mayes needs to rethink everything that's happening above her shoulders. And then she needs to give serious thought to whether Morticia Adams was really the look she wanted to go for from the shoulders down. She needed another week to get ready for this. At least.
I know some people didn't like the various large poufs on this dress, but I think Amy Adams can pull them off and she looks so good in the jewel tones that I really like it.
I give mad props to Kyra Sedgwick for wearing a color no one else came close to. The front view of the dress on TV was really wonderful but this angle doesn't do it quite as much justice. I just keep wanting to ask if she'd like a sandwich. My hangup? Maybe.
I think Halle Berry forgot to put her dress on entirely and just came in her underclothes. Awkward!
At first I thought I hated Jennifer Lopez's dress, but after a few minutes I changed my mind and decided that I actually kind of love it. The overlay is just enough to take it from REALLY simple to simply pretty.
Christina Aguilara got confused and started dressing for the body she wants rather than the body she has. Embrace your curves, honey, but don't squeeze them, cinch them, stuff them and torture them.
And one more woman who wore a pop of color that no one else did, Mandy Moore looked amazing in a bright blue gown that I stop just short of loving because I will never love a mermaid dress but if I only look at her from the knees up? Love.