Since the second "Masquerade" ended and they showed us the preview of the next episode, I was sure that "Rose" was going to be really boring in comparison to the previous three weeks of The Vampire Diaries. I was wrong. I also don't quite have the capacity for a deep dive on this one so we're skimming through. Let's get to it.
The morning after Elena's abduction from the Masquerade ball, a compulsion-zombie drops her off in the middle of nowhere to a sun-sensitive vamp in an SUV. The vamp, Trevor, then makes a snack out of his no longer useful minion and it turns out Trevor is an even messier eater than Caroline. Ew.
In Caroline's room, as she's getting ready for school, Damon stands in the doorway and Caroline gives him the low-down on the new werewolf in town. She explains that Tyler accidentally killed Annoying Friend (RIP) when he shoved her away after she stabbed him. Damon asks what Matt remembered and Caroline assures him that he knows nothing and thinks he blacked out. She explains that both Annoying Friend and Matt were compelled by Katherine and so she covered for Tyler. Damon wonders why she bothered when "Tyler's a tool," and Caroline explains that regardless of his tool-y tendencies, being responsible for a girl's death would open up a shit-ton of questions he wouldn't be in a position to answer without having to tell his mom he's a much furrier member of the animal kingdom that she was led to believe when she gave birth to him. Plus, as she explains it, "that Werewolf Road leads straight to Vampire Boulevard" and she had to think fast on her feet. Caroline is so fantastic that an enormous girl crush sprouted within me as this scene played out. Damon asks where the Sheriff is (searching for the "missing" Amy - RIP) and then abruptly asks whether Caroline witnessed the eye-changey thing that verifies full werewolf transformation. She confirms that she did. Damon wonders how much Mason told Tyler before his untimely death; does he know about vamps, what did Caroline tell him? Caroline says she told him nothing and it seems like he doesn't know much about any of it. He was just really freaked out and she felt bad for him, but she'll ask him what he knows. Damon completely ruins this fantastic friendship moment they'd been having when he goes all mean and bossy and tells her that she can't ask or tell him anything because a bite from a werewolf could kill them, "so don't be his friend. Do you understand me?" I do not like when Damon tells Caroline what to do and I like it even less when grabs her rudely while he does it. You can fuck around with many people, Damon, but keep your hands and your attitude off of Caroline!
Anyway, Caroline has some residual fear issues when it comes to Damon so she agrees to his demands. He then sweetly tells her that if she happened to point her mom toward the bottom of a ravine, it might save her some time in her search for Amy's corpse. I'm trying to imagine how Car could bring that up in conversation with her mom and have it not seem suspicious: "hey mom, been to any good ravines lately?" Hmmm. Off to school she goes.
At school, Tyler is in the middle of a monster freak-out because, you know, he's a werewolf now and much like when Car turned vamp, the changes are proving a little hard to deal with. He's all nervous and conflicted and possessed of super strength. When he spots Caroline in the hall he wants to get to the bottom of what she knows and why. She makes small talk about how he and his mom are handling everything and totally plays it off like she knows nothing and was just trying to be nice by covering for him. He'd like her to cut the bull but she's late for class and she's off.
Meanwhile, Jeremy and Stefan finally do the math and figure out that no one has seen Elena since she "left" the ball the night before. Stefan alerts Damon to Elena's disappearance and then implies that maybe Damon didn't lock Katherine up in the tomb like he was supposed to and she's to blame for this mess. Damon is pissed at the suggestion but he's also rather upset for not believing her when she told him that Elena was in danger. Stefan points another finger at his brother (this scene made me want to rip all of Stefan's accusatory fingers right off and throw them at him - it's truly amazing to me how Damon can have me hating him in one scene and then mere minutes later I can be totally on his side) insinuating that Damon could have prevented all of this if he'd have asked some questions. "Everything she says is a lie!" Damon rightly points out to his pissy little brother. And he had no way of knowing this would be the one time she'd pick to tell the truth. Stefan, having lost his ability to formulate a decent plan since YESTERDAY, insists the two of them go to the tomb and talk to Katherine. Damon explains why that's a bad plan: "we're gonna go ask her for help, she's gonna negotiate a release which we're gonna be dumb enough to give her and then she's gonna get out. And kill us. That is exactly what she wants." He's so incredibly right too, but Stefan is dumb and he doesn't care because it's Elena.
And speaking of Elena, she's in a dilapidated old mansion-y house in the middle of nowhere. She wakes up to meet Trevor and Rose and then won't shut up when Rose asks her repeatedly to do so, leaving Rose with no choice but to bitch slap her into unconsciousness. Elena, when a vamp asks you to be quiet, shut the fuck UP! She comes to again to hear Trevor and Rose talking about how Rose is tired of running so she called Elijah and told him they have what he wants. Trevor would like to rethink the plan and keep running because I sense that Trevor has a heart of gold underneath all that blood lust. Elena asks who Elijah is and Rose explains that he is her worst nightmare. I've already seen this episode straight through once so I can say with certainty that if that's true, Elena has much better looking nightmares than I do.
Stefan has asked Bonnie to unlock Katherine from the tomb and Bonnie says she can't do it. That makes me wonder how the magic lock was so easily opened at the Lockwood estate last night. Is it just that unlocking is a two person job or is Lucy that much more powerful than Bonnie or is the lock on the tomb just much stronger than the one she had on the room at the Lockwood's? So many questions! Stefan guesses he'll just open the door and talk to her through the invisible barrier but Bonnie, using the words "Damon's right," agrees that that's useless since she either won't tell them anything or will lie. Bonnie suggests they use a little magic to track Elena down rather than asking who has her. There are candles and a map and Jeremy's blood and also Alaric's classroom for 10 minutes. Oh, the other thing that Alaric donated to the cause? Weapons. Such a mensch that one! Hockus, pockus and it turns out she's somewhere called Eden - 300 miles from Mystic Falls. There's Bing mapping and Jeremy wants to go but Stefan says no and then Damon says he's going because, "it's Elena." Then Bonnie gets a nose bleed that she hides from all and sundry and they're off.
Tyler plays basketball at school and puts his new super leaping skills to use before spotting Caroline and running off for interrogation number 2. He demands again to know the truth and she insists that she knows nothing. He thinks she's lying. She says she isn't. He grabs her arm as she tries to walk away from him and she quickly turns it around until she's holding him with a twisted arm that she could pop right out of it's socket with less energy than it takes to blink. She lets go of him, shoving him to the ground and he gets up in shock. Now he doesn't just want to know what she knows, he wants to know how she can be stronger than him. She dodges. He flexes his jaw muscles at her, kicks a garbage can across the parking lot into a car, drawing a lot of attention and then slinks away.
Road trip! Damon marvels at how much his boyfriend likes his weapons as Stefan plays with a vervain grenade. Hee! Stefan wonders who's got Elena and Damon surmises that it's someone from Katherine's past who may have taken the wrong girl. Stefan wants to bond and thanks his brother for helping with this rescue mission. Damon does not want to bond (it makes him itch) and Stefan wants to hash out the "loving the same girl" stuff. Damon smiles and threatens that he "can step out of helping as easily as he stepped in" but just about the time I was protesting that complete falsehood, Stefan did the same. Damon makes a bitter stink face. He hates to be wrong.
Jeremy's LG cell phone and fancy Bing search engine get beauty shots as he and Bonnie hang out in his room...on his bed. He shows her how the aerial view map clearly shows there is but one house anywhere near where Elena is. Then he gets all worried about his sister and she rubs his back to comfort him. I scream at the TV "oh my God, make out!" but they don't listen to me. They just sit there having a bunch of sexual tension between them and then Bonnie gets an idea. She scribbles a note and tells him to get a candle and Elena's hairbrush. He does as he's told and then she attempts to use magic to pass her friend a note from 300 miles away. Nice! In the middle of the spell, she gets another nose bleed and Jeremy gets worried but she perseveres and the note goes up in flames in her hand and turns to ash. Then she passes out and Jeremy stands over her shaking her and screaming her name.
At the broken down house of vamps in hiding, Elena keeps hounding Rose with questions and she remains annoyed by all of them. Rose says that she's merely a delivery service, handing Elena over to Elijah who is one of "the" vampires, "the Originals" that is. Oh that does NOT sound good! Rose notes that she knows of the Salvatores and that a century ago a friend of hers told her that Stefan was "one of the good ones" and tried to set them up. I really don't see Rose and Stefan together. Damon, maybe. She says she's more a sucker for the bad boys - yep, I knew it. History time: Trevor and Rose have been on the run from The Originals for 500 years because they want a Petrova Doppelganger to break the curse. It seems that while the moonstone binds the curse, the blood of a doppelganger breaks it. As helpful as Rose is, she does not explain why it has to be a Petrova doppelganger and not just any doppelganger. See? Not good.
Forbes house. Caroline comes home and gets the wiggins when she senses someone there and it isn't her mom. Tyler tries to sneak up behind her but she turns around and busts him. She gives him shit for breaking into the Sheriff's house but he presses on. "I know. You're just like me. Aren't you?" he asks. She says she isn't. He doesn't believe her and he won't leave until she confesses to being a werewolf. She laughs in his face. He goes all rage-crazy and pins her to a wall (at least once in every single episode, someone HAS to get pinned to a wall) and fairly aggressively insists that she admit it. She turns it around and vamps out. She throws him to the ground, returning her face to it's pretty human form and saying sweetly, "I'm not a werewolf, ok?" He looks like he might have just shit his pants.
Middle of nowhere. Elena wants more info and Trevor helps fill in some blanks. He mentions how he pissed off The Originals 500 years ago and Rose had his back and so they've been on the run ever since. It seems the pissing off happened when he helped the original Petrova doppelganger - Katherine - escape the fate of becoming their curse-busting sacrifice.
Jeremy brings Bonnie some water and asks what the hell happened. She confesses that doing magic can take a lot out of a person and she's been up to a lot of it lately. She begs him not to tell anyone about this weakness she has, he knows she means that she doesn't want Damon to know. He promises, sexily, to keep her secret. OH MY GOD, KISS! These two refuse to listen to me, it's so frustrating. She tells him she feels alone in her witchcraft and he tells her he feels alone in life and they look at each other like they want to rip each others clothes off but instead they just sit there on his bed looking into each other's eyes. I swear, it just seems unnatural when two people who are that good looking and have chemistry with each other don't make out.
Elena sits down on a couch in a snit and finds a note under her foot. "Stefan and Damon are coming for you. -B" Guess it worked.
The boys are getting close and Damon takes this opportunity to snack on a bag o' blood to build up his strength. I deeply love it when the vamps use the little tubey thing at the top of the blood bag as a straw. Makes the whole thing look like their enjoying a friggin' Capri Sun. Awesome. When Stefan says he wants some, Damon thinks he's nuts because of the whole blood addiction thing but Stefan tells him how he's been sipping a little Elena blood every day for a while to build up a tolerance. Damon is both impressed and a little sad that Elena was donating to the cause. Damon wants to reminisce about how much he misses the Stefan who liked to kill people for fun. You know, the guy who made Damon drink blood and turn into a vamp. He wonders if Elena would be so quick to love "that guy." "By the way, what happened to that guy? He was a hoot," Damon says. Dear writers, more of Damon saying "hoot," please! Stefan answers this question by noting that he found something else to live for.
It seems that Elijah has arrived at Dilapidation Plantation and Trevor is now flipping right the hell out. He doesn't mind if Rose goes through with this plan but he is getting out of there. She vows to protect him because he's her family. Rose welcomes the handsome and dapper Elijah into her hovel. I note that it's bright and sunshiny out and Elijah has come in without shielding himself from the rays so it would appear that The Originals either have SPF baubles of their very own, or they're impervious to sun. In which case I just don't know why they need the fucking curse broken in the first place.
Anyway, Rose verifies that Eiljah has the "power" to grant her and Trevor immunity for their past crimes. He does. So she tells him that Katherine, er, Katerina Petrova did not perish in 1864 and that there is another doppelganger which she has possession of. He wants to see this little doppelganger and promises to pardon her if he can. She takes him to Elena who is HOLDING the note from Bonnie. Put it down your pants, stuff it in the couch cushions, or chew it up and swallow the damn thing but don't HOLD it for sobbing out loud! The instant he lays eyes on her he super speeds over and sniffs her neck in the creepiest way I've ever seen. He notes that she's human and that her existence seems impossible. And then he stands there being creepy some more. I wonder if he's, like, the VP of Creepy at The Originals, Inc. If he isn't then either the rest of the company is going to send me screaming from the room, crying for my mommy, or they need to reevaluate their talent assessment and job placement strategies.
Stefan is ready to run into Dilapidation Plantation, guns a blazin', with no plan at all and Damon would like to take a second to think things over. He notes that as these are likely the same peeps who've been after Katherine since her days in the old country, they're in the neighborhood of 500 years old and considerably stronger than the 145-year-old Salvatore tots. Damon just wants to make sure Stefan understands that if they go in, there's a good chance they won't come out. Stefan can think of no better reason to die than trying to save Elena. Damon thinks that's noble. He also had exactly the same impulse himself.
Inside, Elijah's calm demeanor and ability to not blink for long periods are giving Elena and I the extreme heeby-jeebies. She tearfully pleads with Rose not to let him take her. Rose looks like she's about to give in. Eiljah turns his attention to Trevor who spends a couple of minutes verbally genuflecting and begging for forgiveness for his now half a millennium old transgressions. Elijah grants him forgiveness and then slaps his head clean off. Literally, made like he was going to slap him across the face and just took his head clean off! Rose breaks down, Eiljah tells her to shut up and go free. He goes to Elena ready to hit the road and take his shiny new doppelganger back to The Originals World Headquarters to show off to his pals. She is desperate to stall so she tells him that she knows where the moonstone is. He wants it's location, she wants to take him to it. He rips off her vervain necklace and tosses it aside then compels her to tell him where it is. "In the tomb underneath the church ruins," she tells him, "with Katherine." Oy! Well, at least it answers my question as to whether or not the person who told her Katherine was "gone" told her where Katherine actually was.
Elijah finds this news interesting and is then distracted by suspicious noises coming form elsewhere in Dilapidation Plantation. Rose has no idea what the noises are. Elijah roughly takes Elena to the foyer while Rose follows. A vampy blur zips to and fro around the house, steaming up our creepy friend. Elena clings to Rose for protection. "Up hear," a voice calls from upstairs. Elijah goes up to investigate and a voice calls from downstairs somewhere, "down here." and then the voice shoots him in the hand with a tiny stake. It appears to have hurt him far less than if I were to get a sliver. Elena and Rose have now disappeared from the foyer. Stefan has Elena and he's RIGHT up in her face telling her to be quiet. In another room, Damon is covering Rose's mouth and giving her the eye thing to keep her quiet. Elijah is warning them that it's a grave mistake to think they can beat him as he breaks a coat rack in half to produce a really, really big stake with which to kill them. Oh and let me tell you, never has the threat that "heads will roll" seemed so terrifying! Yikes! Elena appears at the top of the stairs promising to go with him if he will leave her friends unharmed. Then she whips the vervain grenade at his face. It burns for a second and then he's fine. Stefan shoots him in the chest a number of times with the tiny stake gun, when that appears to have no effect on him, he tackles him down the stairs. Stefan is down but Elijah gets right up and goes to make mincemeat of Stefan when out of nowhere Damon appears with the coat rack stake, he sticks it straight into Elijah's heart, clean through him and into the wall behind. Well done, Damon!
Elijah's face turns that grey color, his body slumps over, he appears to be dead. Damon starts to deal with Rose but Elena asks him to let her go. Damon looks up the stairs at her and smiles. She gets a look of relief and then smiles herself and runs down the stairs...straight into Stefan's arms. Damon does his best to hide his heartbreak and disappointment. His best is not nearly good enough. I start to cry. Elena looks over Stefan's shoulder at Damon and mouths a thank you. Talk about not good enough! Damon fakes a smile and mouths a "you're welcome." Sniff!
Gilbert House. Bonnie is asleep in Jeremy's bed while he sits next to her, impatiently awaiting his sister's return. He hears the front door and gets up calling for Elena. They meet in the hall outside his room, Bonnie running behind and around him to be the first to hug her friend. She tells Jeremy that she's ok and Tells Bonnie that she got her message. Jeremy hugs his tiny big sister. And again, he looks so damn hot when he hugs her. Time for my weekly reminder "Steven McQueen is 22. I am not a pervert!"
At the Salvatore manse, Damon is imbibing to take the edge off of his pain. I'm not so sure there is enough scotch in the world. Stefan arrives. Damon doesn't understand why Stefan would be anywhere that Elena isn't at this moment and he gives his little brother a drink. Stefan takes this opportunity to apologize, for the first time, for turning Damon into a vampire a hundred and 45 years ago. "I guess I just need to say it and you need to hear it," he tells Damon. "I'm sorry. What I did was selfish. I didn't want to be alone. I guess I just needed my brother." He wants them to be able to work together and trust each other without Elena coming between them because it's the only hope they have of protecting Elena from whatever is coming next. Damon's expression at hearing his brother's apology is inscrutable.
Casa Sheriff. Caroline is explaining to Tyler that alcohol helps take some of the edge off of the "inside jittery stuff." Tyler notes that he feels like his skin is on fire and Caroline realizes that they have different weird symptoms. Tyler downs his scotch. Caroline tells him that when she first turned, everything was heightened and she was very emotional. Tyler has that. He asks how she can be a vampire and she answers in the form of a question: "how can you be a werewolf?" He asks who else is a vampire and she lies and tells him she's the only one. I love how Caroline is always protecting people. She asks if there are other werewolves and he says that as far as he knows, it's just him and Uncle Mason but Mason left town suddenly. Oh, sad! Caroline crosses the room to stand facing him. She tells him very seriously that he can't tell anyone - not about him, not about her, not about anything, because no one will understand. He knows. She says that she wants to tell him all about their moms and the founding families and all of the crazy Mystic Falls mythology, but he has to promise that no one will find out about them. It's a matter of life and death. He looks her in the eye, "I have no one else to tell. I'm sorry...about earlier, it's just, I'm alone with this. It's gonna happen to me. The next full moon, I'm gonna turn. And I won't be able to stop it," he confesses to her. "I'm scared." After admitting that, he tries, pretty unsuccessfully to stifle tears. She has that moment that all girls have when they see a strong man cry, and she hugs him to comfort him and show him that he's not alone. He hugs her back, closing his eyes and appearing to really appreciate all she's done for him in the past day. Oh my God! As much as I want Caroline and Matt to be each other's lobsters (and I totally believe they ARE each other's lobsters!) I kind of want Caroline and Tyler to make out right now. What the hell is happening to me?
Salvatore manse. Rose drops in to tell Stefan that he needs her help because The Originals will come for Elena, because they're doing it all for some mysterious person named Klaus. Also that it was Lexi who once told her that Stefan was one of the good ones. Aw, I miss Lexi!
Gilbert abode's Jack and Jill bathroom. Elena has just finished brushing her teeth and is still babying that left arm. she goes into her room to find Damon sitting on her window seat. She uncomfortably tells him that she's tired, clearly code for "please leave." He comes to her and holds out her vervain necklace. She thanks him for getting it back and reaches for it but he pulls it away. He tells her that he has to say something first and she gets very nervous about why he has to say it while she's vervain-free. "Because what I'm about to say is probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life," he tells her and is looking absolutely BEYOND gorgeous. I thought it was physically and scientifically impossible for Ian Somerhalder to get any hotter than he already was but here, in this scene, he improved on his own hotness exponentially. She begs him not to go "there" but he's already on his way. "I just have to say it once, you just need to hear it. I love you, Elena. And it's because I love you that, I can't be selfish with you. And why you can't know this. I don't deserve you...but my brother does." She stands there looking like she doesn't know how in the hell she's going to process being loved by and maybe loving the two best looking brothers God ever created. He kisses her on the forehead then, his eyes tightly closed. He looks her in the eyes as hers are welling with tears, and says "God I wish you didn't have to forget this." She looks a little perplexed and then we zoom in on Ian's unbelievably beautiful eye as he says "but you do," and then a single, perfect tear falls while he compels her and is then gone. She stands in her room, wearing her necklace, wondering how she got it and why her bedroom window is open.
Holy shit! Best scene of the entire series so far and INCREDIBLY well acted by Ian Somerhalder!
Dilapidation Plantation. Stupid Elijah, completely ruining my Damon high, comes back to life, pinks up, pulls the coat rack out of his chest and lives to creep another day. I really don't know why these Originals need to break the freaking curse at all since they can walk in the sun and they apparently can't be killed. What the hell does it get them that they don't already have?
I said I'd skim through and I managed to write nearly 5000 words. This show might be the death of me.