February 23, 2010

The secret is whole pepper corns...and a LOT of tissue.

After three weeks of blubbering, One Tree Hill finally ended the heart-wrenching story arc that killed of Bess Armstrong's Lydia James. To say there was more crying is a huge understatement. I had already gone through two tissues when Taylor came back and inspired actual sobbing on my part.

Anyway, Lydia collapses and is taken to the hospital where her previous prognosis of a few months is abruptly shortened to a few days. Naturally, Haley and Quinn commence with the weeping and the crawling into the hospital bed with their mom. Quinn calls Clay to let him know that her mom is in the hospital and, like the awesome fella he is, he drops everything - including the totally-unrelated-to-despite-looking-exactly-like-Dead-Wife tennis player who he was pretty much in the process of blowing off anyway since he just remembered that looking like Dead Wife doesn't actually make her Dead Wife and also he loves really Quinn - and rushes back to Tree Hill to be with the James(-Scott) family in their time of need.

Quinn also goes to see Taylor and let her know that their mom is dying and it's time for her to stop being mad and start saying goodbye before it's too late. You know, I get that Taylor is kind of a bitch of a sister - always with the attempted husband-fucking and crap - but I feel like maybe Haley and Quinn should have either cut her off completely or tried killing her with kindness instead of constantly calling her names which only plays into Taylor's faux "I don't care about anyone but myself" shtick. Anyway, that's really beside the point now, isn't it?

Nathan tells Jamie that Grandma is dying and they need to go see her to say goodbye. Off the the hospital the ridiculously adorable (James-)Scotts go where Jamie reads Lydia the book that his mom always reads him when he's sick because it makes him feel better. Lydia and Haley and I cry a lot.

Clay gets back to town and stops in to see Lydia with Quinn and then Lydia tells Quinn that while she loves David, she has the same feeling about Clay that she had about Nathan - that being that he's one of the good ones - and let me tell you, so do I! Lydia and I could so totally hang. I mean, she may be half a smidge older than me (Haley is about 10 years younger than me, she's the baby so her oldest sibling is maybe my age...ok, Lydia is probably roughly my mom's age and I totally have friends in that age-range), but she is total girlfriend material!

But I digress. That's when Taylor shows up to have a moment of tear-jerking awesomeness with her mom. She apologizes for being mad at her and for being kind of a problem child. She tries to apologize for being a disappointment but Lydia ain't having it because while she's proud of all of her kids, and she loves them all, Taylor is the one in whom she most sees herself. She needs Taylor to know that it's ok to love herself and that she should start soon because she's going to be happy some day and it might as well be now. I assume they were both crying but to be honest, I couldn't really see the TV very clearly through all the tears in my own eyes. SNIFF!

The other sisters-James come in and there is a giant hug-fest and then the men arrive and there is a thing with Jamie and wishing on a star and then Taylor apologizes to her sisters and they all make up and Lydia thanks Jamie...hold no...I just need a minute...to grab a tissue.

Ok, I'm back. So the whole family watch a slide show of old family photos starring Lydia and then Lydia smiles, says hello to her dead husband, and dies. HOLY CRAP, I can't even type about it without becoming a blubbering mess!

We cut to the funeral then where Haley's never-before-seen-and-barely-seen-now brothers are present along with Nathan, Jamie, Clay, Brooke, Julian, and Mouth while Hailey dumps Lydia's ashes into what looks like a giant fountain and then Quinn and Taylor follow the ashes with white roses and the brothers contribute nothing because this show is kind of a pain in the ass sometimes.

Meanwhile, there are other people in Tree Hill and despite the fact that they are not involved in the really touching and wonderful part of the story, they have shit going on too.

Brooke thinks she walked in on the aftermath of Julian and Alex having sex so she sabotages wardrobe and decks Alex and then Julian kicks her off the set and that's when she finds out from Alexander that it was actually him in the post-coital shower while Alex slept naked in Julian's room and that Julian had switched rooms with Alex so that she could get some sleep and look fresh in front of the camera while he looked like unrested hell behind the camera. So Brooke apologizes to Alex - MUCH too late, frankly - for all her shit and Alex confesses that while she'd really like to be with Julian, he is in love with Brooke so it is never going to happen. Then Alex gets all depressed and tries to track down Alexander for a pick-me-up-fuck but he's ignoring her boot-texts and so instead she heads to her gross and weasel-y co-stars room where he surreptitiously films them doing it. That guy works my gag reflex so hard!

At the same time, Brooke has been leaning on Victoria's shoulder and Victoria totally helps Brooke see the light (because that woman has suddenly become deeply awesome), but she also mentions that she's got her own problems. Like how she was stood up. Brooke assumes it's Paul and Victoria tries to argue but Brooke is so much better at talking than she is at listening so she just continues to blather and then says how it was Alexander who was bangin' Alex and then we find out that the person that Victoria has been dating and being all goo-goo in love with is totally Alexander! Then Victoria tells him to fuck off and he sits in the gutter ignoring booty-texts waiting for Victoria so he can tell her that he really likes her and he doesn't care at all about Alex and there is slapping and kissing and May-October affairs and it's all very dramatic and soapy and cheesy and OTH.

Anyway, after Victoria's made Brooke realize some shit, she heads off to beg Julian for forgiveness and explain what her damage is and to tell him that she's still (and forever) madly in love with him and he is with her and now they're back together just as God intended.

And finally, Lauren wants to be Mouth's friend and side-kick but not his rebound and then she wants to be his girlfriend but doesn't want him to be her rebound and then they're kissing and Skillz walks in. Not sure where that's going but since Antwon Tanner is headed for prison, I think it's safe to say that Skillz might only be a temporary road-block to a Lauren and Mouth relationship.

That's all the OTH we have until the end of April. Thank merciful Zeus Gossip Girl is back on in two weeks otherwise I don't know where I'd get my weekly dose of soap and cheese!

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