January 26, 2010

Old Brook, Crazy Haley, Slutty Taylor and A Shitload of Patient Men

I loved One Tree Hill last night. LOVED. I saved it on the TiVo so I could watch it again later in the week, that's how much I loved it.

We pick up the action the morning after Taylor and David have dropped in on the Scott house un-announced. Haley is 8 kinds of pissed that her super slut sister, Taylor, is banging Quinn's ex-husband and I can't say I blame her. I mean, that's trashy enough but the CONSTANT references to how she once fucked Nathan are just over the line. Of course, I think that she's just bitter that Hales goes to bed with beautiful Nate every night while she spends at least as much time curled up with her antibiotics as with an actual man.

Anyhoo, Haley is beside herself with hatred and anger and insanity (which was really fun to watch) but Quinn is totally chill about the whole thing. She's like "well, she's a big slut so it's no surprise and I just want David to be happy so...whatevs. Also, I did tell him I was nailing Clay even though I wasn't (and still haven't)." Quinn's calm drives Haley even nuttier and before you know it, Haley is BUCKETS of crazy and just a little homicidal. Awesome.

Well Quinn's guilt over breaking David's heart causes her to accept the invitation (on behalf of everyone, I guess, since she lives with Haley and Nathan) to let Taylor and David host a dinner. I can not tell you how much I would NOT want to eat dinner with Taylor.

Meanwhile, Brooke is all heartbroken after being dumped by Julian and angles for sympathy from Victoria who, despite the fact that she's making great strides in becoming human, is still not about to go getting all touchy-feely-lovey-dovey. Instead she employs a little patented manipulation. She tells Brooke that she'll have a courier deliver the box of Julian's things that Brooke has packed up, but instead she sends new guy Alexander to drop it off. This drives Julian 'round the bend so he high-tails it to COB to tell her that it was kind of shitty for her to send "an Alex" to do her dirty work.

See what Victoria did there? Well in case you didn't, she had to explain it to Brooke - she stirred up trouble to get Julian over to COB to demonstrate for Brooke that Julian still loves her. Because New Brooke (who I'm actually calling Lame Brooke) didn't get that because she was too busy...being lame.

While this is going on between Brooke and Julian, Julian is also trying to get his arms around his movie - his dad has hired a director who spends 1/2 his time trying to get into Alex's pants (one of many funnies to be found in the ep: Director: "where's Alex? I can't find her." Julian: "Have you checked your hand? It's usually on her ass.") and the other half telling her what a big, untalented loser she is. His dad also mentions that Julian needs to get on the stick and hire a costume designer. So here he is, a week before production is to begin, and he's got problems out the wahzoo. What to do? Punch out and then fire your director and hire a costume designer...if you know anyone qualified for that job.

Back at the Scott manse, Taylor and David are grossly making out at the dinner table so that everyone (Quinn, Clay, Nate, Hales) is forced to watch. A great argument ensues where Haley calls Taylor a whore, then David calls Quinn a whore then Quinn admits that she's never had sex with Clay, then Nathan excuses himself to go upstairs and play video games with the kids so he can have some mature interaction for a change.

Once dinner is over, Haley asks Nathan to yell at David but instead he talks to him sweetly as a friend. He understands that it's tough to get through a heart breaking (Nathan didn't handle the first disillusionment of his marriage all that well either, remember - and that also included a stop-over on the Taylor Shaggin' Waggon) but as long as David knows that he can't use Taylor to replace Quinn. They come to an understanding and Nathan notes "if Haley asks, I yelled and you're sorry." It was nice. Very brother-in-law friendly.

Then the girls ruin it by engaging in a cat fight that ends up in the pool. All three guys stand there and watch and drink beer, not in enjoyment or horror or interest but more like "huh...this is new even for the James sisters."

Back across town, Julian goes back to COB to flirtily ask Brooke to be the costume designer for his movie. Brooke, who's spent the whole episode finding the awesome Old Brooke within and sending Lame Brooke packing, says she'll think about it. Then she goes to the set and accepts, on the condition that he make himself the director. So Julian suggests that to his dad who's like "'bout fuckin' time, I thought you'd never figure out why I hired that other asshat!"

Then we're back to Scott's House Of Nuts where David and Quinn are good, Quinn gets a key to Clay's place (and he gets the locks changed so that no one else has the key - how many of those one-night skanks did he give keys to exactly? That's not very safe!), Haley and Nathan are good, and no one likes Taylor - just as God intended.

Oh yeah, also in the ep, the return of Old Brooke means that she cuts Millie a break and is nice to her. And Mouth spends the episode with Skillz's girlfriend (whose name I can't remember but I think I'll call her Tina because that was her name on What I Like About You) cleaning up the apartment because during her drug-fueled party days, Millie befouled the place in spectacular fashion. Then Millie comes home and is touched but sad because she thinks he's leaving and then he says he's going to stay. And Brooke and Haley have a scene together as friends which hasn't happened in far too long.

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