July 7, 2009

News Roundup

Well I don't know if people are getting stupider or crazier or I'm just paying more attention but there is a shit-ton of ridiculous stuff in the news right now.

A so-called Moonwalking Cheeto was sold on E-Bay because someone thought it looked just like the legs of Michael Jackson moonwalking. I think it looks like a Cheeto bent in half but I'm probably just suffering from a lack of imagination.

A charming Oklahoma man was spotted driving erratically and someone called 911 to report it. When the police got to the area he was in the process of leaving the scene of a hit-and-run so he led police on a 10 minute chase. They finally got him to pull over so they could arrest him for DUI (BAL of .28 dontcha know) and take him back to the lock-up he'd left just a day earlier for his previous DUI arrest.

A rocket scientist in Wisconsin served nearly 10 years in prison for robbery and murder. Just 3 months before he was coming up for parole, he broke out. If you're going to try to run, why wait until you've got a chance at getting out legitimately staring at you in the face?

Back to Oklahoma, a couple claim that their 11-year-old daughter died, they didn't kill her. Yet, they did not call authorities. Instead, they left the girl hanging around the trailer until one of their other kids started stomping on and kicking her body at which time they wrapped her in a sleeping bag, tucked her in a plastic tub and put her in the shed. After a while in the shed, she started to smell so they buried her under the front porch. Later that year they were going to move so they packed up their belongings, and the skeletal remains of their daughter, and relocated to Montana where they stored her in the garage. Unfortunately, bad luck following this family as it does, another of his daughters disappeared and was later hospitalized which gave the man a fright so he relocated the dead child once again. This time he hid her in an old chicken house in Oregon. After a month had passed and the "heat" died down, he moved her back to Montana and put her in Montana where she was eventually found. I'm sure all of that was much easier than calling the police when she was initially found dead in her bed.

A privileged (I'm guessing from the fact that she drives a Mercedes that her father apparently got her) college student from Pittsburgh who was busted for selling an undercover cop pot and Ecstasy from the parking lot of the daycare center where she works, thinks she's going to be an elementary school teacher.

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