You guys? Chuck totally let Lily be his mom!
Yeah, Gossip Girl ROCKED last night.
First things first - Serena and Dan got back together after Christmas right? And I've been saying all along that both of them get boring and annoying when their characters are together so what happened last night? Serena pretended not to get into Yale so that Blair wouldn't go completely psycho on her ass and then realized that it was a moot point anyway since she's always wanted to go to Brown so she declined her acceptance thereby getting the wait-listed Blair in by default. This was all well and good until Dan and his raging insufferability found out. See, Dan did get in and just assumed that Serena would follow him there - to hell with her life-long dreams. He went on and on about how it was a decision they should have discussed and made together even though, it totally wasn't because they aren't married and it's none of his damn business where she goes to college. God, I really hate Dan when he's dating Serena!
The second most useless storyline of the night belonged to Vanessa and Nate - V's been feeling "kept" going on all these "Archibald" dates since Nate got his money back so to make up for that, she decides to take him on an Archibald date but she'll pay. That means that they go to the opera (where every single person on the show is going dontcha know) and sitting in the crappiest/cheapest seats in the house instead of the Archibald box. It's a completely lame and completely Abrams situation and the only thing that saved it from being ranked as the first most useless plot was the fact that Nate and Vanessa are hella cute when they canoodle.
Oh, also, Nate and Dan are friends again. That's also pretty cute.
Blair's desperation to get into Yale brings Harold and Ramon home from France bearing a Bulldog for B, dresses Darota and the Dads in various Yale attire, and inspires a Gilmore Girls marathon and some Rory bashing from B. It's even cuter than it sounds. When Blair is wait-listed, she naturally takes out her extreme anger vengeance on a new teacher (who Serena idolizes and who appears to be hot for Dan) and then it's all turned around on B when that teacher goes to the Headmistress and this show becomes Dawson's Creek for a minute not accepting the realities of college admissions and acting as though a person who has already been offered admission and has accepted can be kept out of the school by receiving detention during the last semester of high school. It's completely stupid but it causes Blair to utter the words "black ops" when asked by Darota if they were going to war and I love me some conniving Queen B so I'm going with it.
Rufus and Lily are blatantly boning now, much to the chagrin of Eric whose room is directly beneath theirs (EW!), Serena and Dan who feel weird when they kiss at the same time their parents do, and Chuck who is forcing himself to remain pissed at Lily for Bart's untimely demise.
But when all of Chuck's usual tactics fail to take down Vile Uncle Jack, he is forced to ask Lily and her 20% stake in Bass Industries for help. When it turns out her share of the company isn't enough to help the Board over-throw Vile Uncle Jack (which they really want to do because not only is he extremely vile, but he is also running the company straight into the ground with his total incompetence), all Chuck wants to do is brainstorm ways to get VUJ out of his hair - including a fairly awesome suggestion to crash the Bass Jet with him in it. Lily is thinking more legally so she vetoes all of Chuck's suggestions and then has an epiphany. She finalizes an adoption of Chuck started before Bart died, legally becoming his guardian and therefore the rightful manager of the company in Chuck's stead. Chuck would certainly rather have Lily at the helm than VUJ so he's totally on board.
Naturally, VUJ is incensed and so, in a coke-fueled fit of rage, he corners Lily in the powder room during intermission at the opera where he proceeds to menace, threaten and then attempt to rape her. Oh yeah, it's ON! But fortunately Rufus asks Dan, who asks Chuck if he's seen Lily, the latter of which recalls her going to the loo but realizes that was quite a while ago and, upon seeing the door is locked, he finds help, busts down the door, pulls VILE EVIL Uncle JackASS off of Lily and beats his face in. Rufus rushes Lily out of there and on her way she thanks Chuck for saving her.
This leads to the most awesome scene of all when Chuck comes to the apartment and kindly shakes Rufus's hand and then tells Lily that he'll move back into the apartment with her and let her be his mom. SNIFF!